half of a Christmas post

I don't think we actually took any pictures on Christmas Day. I'd like to believe we were too busy enjoying our time together. We had a very good Christmas. The highlight was when the kids opened their baby presents and found out that they were going to have another baby brother. That deserves its own post--soon. Maybe. 

We decided to skip the toys this year. Instead we bought the kids one-ish bigger gift(s). 

Logan got his very own bow with arrows. Like--a real bow. He has spent hours shooting it--almost every day. 

Madison got a ripstick (sort of like a skateboard that mimicks snowboarding) and a pair of boots. She complained at first that she didn't get anything she wanted (because again, we didn't buy toys), but after she put on her boots and figured out how to work the ripstick she was happy again. 

Grant got a camping experience with dad. He got some hiking boots, a head lamp, and some freezer dried food. They went camping on Friday. The coyotes howled, the wind blew, the rain came down. They packed up at 5 am, hiked back to the car, and came home. Grant has no desire to go camping again, but enjoys telling the kids that he saw a coyote lose a bloody tooth. (Ummm. Ok?)

Ammon got a very nice scooter--one just like Grant's. He loves it, only now we get to hear him and Grant fight (cry) about who can go faster. 

We also got each of the kids a laundry basket and they all chose a day to do their own laundry each week (Grant and Ammon are together, and I said I would help them). They actually seem ok with it--maybe even excited. 

Random thoughts:

Someday I will be able to take a shower without anyone barging in to talk to me. And when I lock the door (in an attempt for privacy) no one will bang and on the door, and shout through the door (and over the water) for the entire 10 minutes, to tell me they have to go to the bathroom (we have 3 toilets), or to tell me that they are being mean--or nice. Today someone actually knocked to tell me he/she was being nice to someone else. 

Until that day, I will celebrate the little things like:

Watching Grant stand on a chair at the washing machine (with his headlamp on so he can see into the dark abyss) so he can do his own laundry. Also, he volunteered to do Madison's for her today. 

We are also celebrating (and I'm laughing) over the fact that he came in to tell me that he folded 8! pairs of underwear! "See mom, I changed my underwear everyday this week!!!" 

Oh yes. On Saturday we put Ammon down for a nap on my bed and turned a movie on for the other kids so that Joe and I could drive 2 miles down the road and eat lunch together. 45 minutes gone, tops. Right as we were getting our food we got a text from Madison: "Ammon got out of bed and he got into your nail polish."

He painted his nails, his clothes, and my quilt. I also found a few drops on the floor today. I actually had a conversation in my head (while scrubbing my fingers raw with chemicals) debating whether or not I'd rather deal with nail polish mess (expense of replacing items) or a child cutting his/her own hair (more immediately and physically noticeable and takes time to grow back). I'm undecided. 

So today I am celebrating the fact that it didn't happen in the new house (I'm locking the polish up!), and I guess this means I get to buy new bedding. 

Just another day in paradise! 

half-baked / it's getting real

20 weeks today. Going. So. Fast.

Amazing!

Ammon giving the baby kisses.

We are force-teaching our children to learn patience and self control by making them wait until Christmas Eve (tomorrow) to find out if they will be having a baby brother or a baby sister.

Logan is convinced that it is a girl.
Madison wants a boy. (Direct quote: "A girl will change my life.")
Grant is positive it's a boy.
Ammon says something different every time we ask him.

What do you think?

getting our craft on

Last week Madison was given an assignment to research Jane Long, write a short biography, and create a biography bottle. 

(I am going to go ahead and not rant and rave about how school projects=parent projects. I'm not even going to mention how annoying it is to have to teach my child how to do a research paper because the only instruction she got was a paper that listed requirements, including a works cited page, which my daughter has never heard of.) 

Madison sat in front of the computer for a few afternoons and wrote a three-page paper in a 24-point loopy font. I helped her format it correctly (much to her dismay; I am so boring) and then read through it while trying to decide just how tough to be on a fourth grader who ends her paper with a sentence that says something like, "...this brave and mysterious woman who was the mother of Texas." (Brave, possibly; mysterious--I think not.) 

Let's move on to the bottle. It is no secret that I detest crafting. Most likely because I am horrible at it. But I love Madi, so we studied some pictures and got to work on her biography bottle. 

This is Jane Long. 

We covered a ball with some fabric and hot-glue gunned everything to the pop bottle. Madison penciled a face onto the head. At this point I left her to give the boys baths. 

15ish minutes later I call downstairs to ask her if she has cleaned up. No response. I travel down the stairs and see her bottle on the TV stand. The bonnet/veil thing we made was covering its face. It was sitting on a note (which unfortunately I threw away). It said something like, "I can't even look at it. She looks like an ax murderer. Why didn't Jane Long smile in any of her pictures? I am going to get an F--, and all of my friends are going to laugh at me. I am not taking it to school. Why did you let me do this?" 

I lift the veil and see this. 

Ok, my day had been long and busy. I was tired. So I saw this and I could NOT stop laughing. I laughed and I laughed. Madison comes in, sees me laughing, and starts sobbing. The boys, hearing the chaos, rush down the stairs, see the bottle, and then they start laughing. Madison cries louder and stomps away. 

Not my finest moment. Actually, I like to think of it as proof that I actually do have a sense of humor. It's due tomorrow, and I think she's going to have to take it just like it is. 

**********

Quick house update. 

House is bricked and almost done. I asked Madi to take a few pictures (we are on good terms again). We now have tiles in the wet areas and lights and doorknobs (no electricity). 

The view from our backyard. For now. 

Stairs

Here's where I would show a picture of the kitchen, except that I'm not happy with it right now. We paid for pendant lighting over our island, but I don't love the lights. Also, they are spaced weirdly and almost touching the countertop. I guess I'm like Madi; I don't even want to look at the picture because it's not how I pictured it in my head! There are a few other items that were not exactly right as well.... I wrote a nice email to our builder; hopefully that will be enough to make some changes. 

18-ish weeks

We decided to visit Dad's office and take him to a furniture store called The Dump. Apparently they aren't open on Thursdays, so we went to the Galleria Mall instead so that I could show Joe what style of purses I like (he asked me to). 

I DON'T like big gold (or even silver) chains or zipper decorations or metal studs. I also don't like fancy. Apparently I am in the minority. I like my $15 Chinatown crossover purse that stays put no matter how many kids or groceries I am hauling. Unfortunately, my faux leather purse has held too many things over the last 3 years and the faux leather is ripping and running and it's time to upgrade. I found two or three crossover purses that did not have all those metal pieces and were just plain leather with some pockets. They were nice, but more casual and practical. That's more like it. 

We stopped in at the Coach store and the lady at the front was complimenting Ammon and then asked if I would have more kids. I explained that Ammon was my fourth, but the others were at school. There was the awkward one-sided conversation where she said how thin I was after having four kids. I just said thank you to this lady stranger and got ready to leave when Joe, of course, had to tell her I was pregnant. Five kids? Holy what? I'm not kidding. She called the lady from the back of the store--like from behind a door, and who also happened to be 4 months pregnant--to tell her I was pregnant with my fifth kid. Awkward. They just kept talking and asking me questions and then finally Joe and Ammon walked out and I said, "Welp, they're leaving. Gotta' go!" One more reason why you should never go anywhere alone! 

(Side note here: the most marvelous response I have ever had was when I was 7 weeks pregnant and at an urgent care. I had to tell them I was pregnant, and when the dr asked how many kids and I said 5, she said, "What a wonderful blessing!" So the next time you hear something surprising, use that phrase.)

We stopped at a Jamba Juice. I seriously don't know if we've had one since we lived in Rexburg, and I was surprised they had them here in Dallas. They've changed a little and we couldn't find our old favorite, which means we will need to keep experimenting for a new favorite. 

Joe wanted to take a picture while  we were waiting for them to blend our drinks.  

So here I am, 18 weeks. Feeling pretty good. Not too tired. I need to eat ASAP in the morning or I feel like I'm going to pass out. The baby is moving a lot; kids (and Joe) will be able to feel him/her moving very soon. Next week we will find out the gender. We'll probably tell people this time. Eventually. 

preoccupied

Pretty much the only thing on my mind these days is the new house. Curtains, bar stools, furniture arrangements. 

I'm also kind of terrified that it's not going to really happen. I will breathe a big breath when we are actually in the house. Our first/last buying experience didn't go so well. Something about a Great Recession and lost property values in a city that no one wanted to move to. I loved that house. 

Let's not think about it. Time to move on. Let it go. Let it go! 

Pretty much the only way to satisfy my moving preoccupation is to pack, which means that what used to look like this

and this

now looks like 

and 

Every room in the house. 

And I might be living like this for the next 2 months, since we just found out today that they don't think we can close until after Jan 30. 

I am trying to keep one room box-free. For my sanity. Because I hate messes almost as much as I hate people seeing my messes. So if you come over--the living room is the only room you may enter. 

most embarrassing mom ever

Our house is looking very house-ish. Our walls are painted, we have doors, baseboards, shelves, and cupboards!! Unfortunately, I left my phone (camera) in the car and didn't take any pictures, but that's ok because not only do we plan on frequently stalking the house during these last few weeks, but we also look forward to moving in soon!

We chatted with one of our new neighbors (who is a policeman) for a few minutes, and as we were walking away, Logan and Madi voiced their concerns about living next to him because they are afraid he will shoot us! So I embarrassed all of us by taking them back to talk to him and asking him, "Are you a nice policeman? Are you going to shoot us?" I explained all of the media hype has made them afraid of policemen, and he assured us all that he was a good guy and he promised not to shoot us. 

Madison and Logan have informed me that I am the most embarrassing mom, ever. And to make it worse, I am actually telling people it happened!! They still aren't completely comfortable with the idea of living next to a policeman (they said that means they can't play with water or nerf guns), but he does seem very nice, and I hope that he leaves his police car in his driveway so that no one bothers us! 

we can do hard things

If you've ever met Logan, you know he is just about the most perfect 11 year old boy you've ever met. I've had more than a few people tell me that they think he will be president someday. I get to see him at home with his younger siblings, so I happen to know he's not perfect, but he is pretty dang great. His teachers love him; they go out of their way to actually hug me and sing praises of him every time I see them. He's a good kid.

Part of his greatness stems from the fact that he has anxiety. He is constantly worried that he will let people down--whether it is me, his teachers, or himself. I noticed recently that his fingertips were chewed down and raw; they looked bad. I would've started sobbing if he wasn't right there in front of me. He explained that he chews off his skin when he feels anxious. 

I ache for him, because I know what anxiety is (and from where he gets it). I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2002, shortly after getting married. I was taking 21 credits, had a scholarship to maintain (meaning basically I had to have a 4.0), and I was working 20-30 hours a week. I think that's enough to give anyone anxiety, but I didn't handle it particularly well. 

I don't really talk about this much, but I went to counseling for a short while to learn how to manage my anxiety. I'm so glad I did, because I have been able to identify it with Logan, help him to identify it, and to use some of the skills I learned to help him manage his anxiety. 

The first step, as I mentioned, is to recognize what you are feeling. A lot of my anxiety has to do with control. Identifying what I don't have control over helps me to identify what I do have control over. That gives me the ability to take action over the things I can control.

For example, we don't have control over the homework or tests we have to take, but we do have control over when and how we study. 

Another skill is to ask ourselves what the worse case scenario is. A bad grade? Someone gets upset at us? Role playing is also helpful. It helps to walk through these steps because we often realize that we can survive even the very worst outcome, and the worst outcome very rarely happens. 

I am probably the only mom I know who actually discourages my child from fasting. For a while Logan was fasting every Sunday for the things he was feeling anxious about. While I certainly want to encourage his faith, I didn't feel this was a healthy habit. I have a rule that he cannot fast on a school day, simply because he needs food in his body in order to have energy to get through a demanding day of school. 

This week I asked him to talk to his teacher about a class picture we had paid for but hadn't received. I know this seems like an easy request, but it set off some major anxiety for Logan. He couldn't concentrate on anything else that evening; he begged me to let him fast the next morning for courage to talk to his teacher. I said no. We could pray for help, but he couldn't fast on a week day.  

We role played what to say, and we talked through the worst case scenario--which was that he wouldn't get his class picture. 

I had almost forgotten about it until he came home yesterday, and when we were alone he said, "Mom, I did it." He did it! He talked to his teacher, she wasn't annoyed, and she even said she could help him figure out how to get his picture. We had a little happy celebration. He did it! 

The other thing that helps those of us with anxiety? We have a little saying in our family: we can do hard things. 

To most of us, talking to a teacher wouldn't be a big deal, but it was to Logan. And at the end of our conversation yesterday, without any prompting, he exclaimed, "I can do hard things." 

Joe and I have seen him grow in confidence over the last year, and we think it has a lot to do with his involvement in Taekwondo along with his experience spending a week this summer hiking the Appalachian trail with his dad, grandpa, and uncle. He is truly learning that he can do hard things, and that, combined with his faith (and maybe even some of that anxiety?), will help to make him into an amazing young man, missionary, husband, father, and contributer to society. 

17.1

I had a dream last night that I couldn't find my favorite clothes. I was looking everywhere for a blue ruffle shirt, but it was gone. I woke up wondering where it could be, and realized that I hadn't looked in the box I had (in real life) stored it because I knew it wouldn't fit me for the next year.

Oh yeah.

It's still easy for me to forget that every second of my life--right this moment--cells are multiplying and miracles are taking place to create a life inside of this body of mine that for the most part works incredibly well. 

We took a one-mile scooter/walk this morning. It felt warmer today (55 degrees), so I didn't wear a jacket, but quickly regretted my choice. We walked/scooted quickly to get home for hot chocolate, and the entire time I was swinging my arms and feeling grateful for--for so, so much. 

I can still sleep on my back, sprawl out on the floor to read books with my kids on my stomach, and bend or reach over to move or pick things up. Ammon can still snuggle close on my lap as we watch The Grinch. I can jump on the trampoline outside and make a grand effort to beat my kids playing Just Dance. 

Even if my little bump doesn't look like much, I can still use pregnancy as every excuse, to: forget things, not walk up the stairs, mix up words, be grouchy, feel tired, take a break from Just Dance (but tell them to keep dancing). My kids think it's funny and have even started saying it for me. They have recently asked me what I am going to say when I'm not pregnant anymore. "I have five kids." Amen. 

The one thing that is somewhat bothersome is that I have been cramping (contracting?) quite a bit. It's uncomfortable but not too alarming because it has happened with every pregnancy. With Logan it started at 32 weeks and I was on bedrest until 35 weeks (they said they wouldn't stop the labor after that and I needed to finish student teaching). It has gotten earlier with every pregnancy and the doctors say it must just be my body--16/17 weeks is definitely the earliest it has ever happened, though, and it's not my favorite. I am trying to stay hydrated and I try to rest when the cramping starts. I don't know that it really helps, but that's all I can do. 

My kids have no idea what it's like to be pregnant, but they have been as understanding and helpful as can be. Last week Logan made my bed almost every day; I came downstairs to Grant sweeping without being asked and Logan wiping out the cabinet under the sink. Crazy, and lucky, I know! Joe (who knows as much as a man can know about what it's like to be pregnant) was home from work Thursday-Sunday (pure happiness), and he did a lot of cooking and cleaning--even the master bathroom, which was in pretty bad shape. He loves me.

I'm going to go ahead and write this next thing down because, yes, it made my day just a little bit. We were eating breakfast and Joe made some cute, silly comment about me looking good and asked the kids if their friends said their mom was pretty. Logan kind of blushed and quietly admitted that when I go to his school his friends tease him about me and ask how old I am. We all had a good laugh, and he says I can still visit him at school. I'm taken, 11-year old boys, and have 5ish kids to prove it, but thank you for making this "old" mom smile. 

So Ammon took this picture. He figured out a new trick: if you hold down the button on my iphone it will take about 100 pictures in 10 seconds. I'm only slightly exaggerating. It was kind of a good thing because as he was clicking away he was also waving the camera around. We had a good laugh as we looked through his blurry pictures; I'm so lucky to be able to spend my days with him. 

As you can see, we are getting ready for Christmas and to celebrate the birth of our Savior. To be honest, I hope for the entire month to be a celebration instead of just a countdown to Chrismtas Day. We took Logan out of Taekwondo for the month so that we could maximize our time and make as many memories together as possible during the month of December. This truly is the most wonderful time of the year! 

turkey eve

I'm officially 16 weeks pregnant. You'd think with everyone home for the week that I would have plenty of opportunities to ask someone to take a picture, but it just hasn't happened yet. Maybe tomorrow. I feel about the same, just pudgier. 

We spent the majority of the day doing...well, I'm not completely sure what we did today. A lot of nothing, I think, mixed in with some Thanksgiving prep. Ammon and I made a lemon meringue pie with a store bought roll out crust (sorry Molly) that shrunk to half its size when I prebaked it. The kids oohed and ahhed over it (mostly because they think the meringue is whipped cream), so I think it will get eaten. 

Grant and I made from scratch pumpkin pie--with the store bought roll out crust. That just sounds wrong! Its crust didn't seem to shrink as much, probably because we didn't need to prebake it before filling it. 

We also made our traditional clam chowder for dinner. Yum! To go with our soup tonight, we ate the yummy artisan bread Madison made with Sister Seal yesterday. It was a hit, and she said she definitely will be making it again. 

They also made two types of no-bake fudge--candy cane and toffee--that we are saving for tomorrow's feast. She said she can make this again completely by herself. 

The most exciting part of my day was meeting the builder to walk through the house and make sure everything was going the way we wanted. As you can see, they are almost done bricking the front. The interior walls are taped, and next week they are painting, putting in cabinets, stair spindles, doors, and baseboards. Also tiles for all the wet areas. Whaat??? It's going so fast! 

We should have an estimated closing date in the next week or two, but he thinks they will be done with the house by the end of December with a possible closing during last half of January. 

I feel excited and anxious. Moving is a lot of work! Even though we aren't going far, change is hard! Do we pull the kids out of their school mid year or spend way too much time driving back and forth every day? Decisions, decisions. Grateful to have them to make, though. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

giving thanks

Today was officially the first day of our Thanksgiving break (yes, the kids get the entire week off of school). But really it started on Saturday. I gave thanks for the cold, rainy, lazy day and Just Dance parties with my kids. We also made banana bread...lots of it...and I was even able to sneak in a hot date with my hard-working, even-on-a-Saturday guy. 

On Sunday I gave thanks for good friends. The kind who let you come over without any notice to blow dry your hair for church because your blow dryer won't turn on. (See previous post for other exciting Sunday events...hah.)

Today I woke up to the marvelous sound of children fighting and hurting each other. I told them that since their actions made me tired (not to mention the still-dark hour they made me get up on a day off of school), they would need to do the jobs that I was too tired to do at 7:30 in the morning. Logan swept the floor and took out the trash, Madison cleaned out the silverware drawer, emptied the dishwasher and mopped the kitchen floor, Ammon helped me make bisquits and gravy, Grant set the table and then cleared/wiped off the table, and Logan washed the pots and pans. Then I sent them upstairs to make beds and vacuum their rooms. The amazing thing is that all of this work together made them LIKE each other again! They started talking and laughing together (even playing) after just 5 minutes of complaining. Then we went to the library, got some books, and stopped at a park to take a walk, ride scooters, and play on the playground. We didn't invite any friends to join us, so the kids had to play with each other, and I felt motherly love towards them as I watched them play together--happily! There was tag, hide and seek, and army crawling around the perimeter of the playground. I even hopped on their scooters and raced with them. I lost. Every time.  

Joe taught us a family home evening on gratitude tonight. I looked at each one of my children and felt--overwhelmed. In a good way. I can't imagine my life without them, and it is crazy to think that without me (or Joe) they simply wouldn't exist. I'm so glad they do. 

One of my girlfriends invited Madison over tomorrow to learn how to make artisan bread and fudge. Madi is excited to have the opportunity to have one-on-one time with another adult, and I feel happy for her to have such wonderful women in her life. I'm still cool (obviously), but I know one of these days I won't be, and I hope that she (and all my kids) will have a few adults they can trust and turn to when they won't come to me. Since we don't have family that lives very close to us, I feel extra grateful for our grown-up friends who help care for our children. 

An entire week off of school! What to do? Movies to watch (Big Hero 6 tomorrow!), books to read, hikes to take, friends to spend time with, good food to make--and eat!, memories to create. Even the kids fighting...that's ok. I kind of enjoyed watching them do all those chores together this morning. 

chaos, anyone?

Four weeks ago I was extended a new calling (opportunity to volunteer) in our church: the primary music leader. 

Dun Dun Dun.

The funny thing is that I never saw it coming. I knew the old leader had been asked to do something else, and I had been wondering who the new music leader would be, but I never once considered that I would be asked to do it. (You know, because I work with kids all day and have a good amount of training in music. Who would have thought? Hello.)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the LDS (Mormon) church, the primary leader teaches music to the children ages 3-11. Our ward splits the ages into two groups, so I teach two 20 minute "lessons" each Sunday.

I was the primary music leader in Cleveland for pretty much the entire time we lived there, so I knew how much work it was. Also completely intimidating. Had I thought about it beforehand, I would have dreaded the calling. BUT when they asked me if I could do I just felt peace--like this was a calling meant for me, and I could do it. 

Fast forward to today.

This is the first primary I've ever been in where the Jr. kids (ages 3-7) are better behaved than the Sr. kids (7-11). It's kind of crazy, because I was trained in secondary education and I much prefer to teach the older kids. Until now, that is! 

Junior primary is awesome! We did a happy dance, they sang nice and loud, I was go-with-the-flo relaxed and flexible. We even learned two new songs--no problemo!

First thing in Senior primary, I had to stop the pianist a few measures in because the kids were talking. Then I had to take a paper airplane that was whizzing through the air out of a 9 year old boy's hands. We were going to sing a fun, active song (Do as I'm Doing), but when a few of the kids would not stop clapping (before we even started) I said, "Bummer. I guess we can't handle it today." Well, you get the idea. 

The airplane boy was actually the quietest he's been since I've been in primary, mainly because he was mad at me for taking away his plane. I conferred with the pianist, and she had the wonderful idea of sitting by him for a minute to tell him how great he was being, and then she gave him some tic tacs. Worked like a charm! He sat in his chair the entire time, and while he didn't sing, he didn't shout out nonsense, either. I definitely need to be better at reinforcing good behavior. 

I have spent the bulk of my evening pondering how to help these children. I am reading a book called Teaching, No Greater Call, and scouring the Internet for suggestions. I am chanting to myself, "The greatest motivator is love." I don't deal well with chaos and noise, so I'm trying to get a few tools ready for next week. My mom sent me this video, which was perfect. 

Hey. I've got this.  

tender mercies/15 weeks

This week's picture brought to you by Logan. I swear it's more blurry now than it was before. Weird. 

Tonight as I was sitting on the boys' bedroom floor waiting for Ammon to get his pajamas on, I realized that I didn't feel nauseous--for the first evening in months. However, I now have a cold and feel fairly miserable. Grant asked in our family prayer tonight that, "Mom won't be so grumpy." I had to stop Logan and Madi from reprimanding him because let's face it--I use those very same words in my own personal prayers, and I don't mind a few more in my behalf.

I had an appointment yesterday and apparently now they are doing ultrasounds at almost every appointment? I'm not complaining, though. We got a good view of his/her spine and not much else. We will find out the gender on December 19. We'll have to do a gender survey. A gender reveal party would be fun....

Speaking of prayers, about a year ago I had an experience/realization/lightbulb moment. I was trying to go in and eat with my kids at school once a week (something I'd like to start doing again). I rotated through everyone, which meant I ate with them once every three weeks, sometimes more because their lunches were all back to back. Madison always asked me to eat with her, even on days I didn't normally go to the school. She also always asked me if I would bring a special treat--sometimes I would bring a lunchable, hot chocolate, or Panda Express, for example. I did those nice things for the other kids, too, but not as frequently. I wasn't playing favorites. It wasn't because I wasn't willing to give them extra favors, but because they didn't ask me as often as she did. 

As I was pondering this concept in my own life, I realized that perhaps that is how our Heavenly Father works as well. Perhaps there are blessings He is willing and wanting to give to us and all we need to do is ask. 

The past week has been full of tender mercies. I bought a steam mop almost 4 years ago. It ran out of steam last week. My kitchen floor looked...bad...and I'm not willing to scrub on my hands and knees. Because we are trying to put down as much money into our new home as possible I didn't want to spend an unexpected $100 on a new mop. Ammon and I noticed a Goodwill on our way home from an oil change and decided to stop. It took us a few minutes to walk through and on our way out he stopped me and said, "Mom, there's our mop!" It was the exact same mop I already had and it looked brand new! $15. It runs better than mine has in a long time, and my floors are clean. 

Next up is a story about the sweater I'm wearing (and I'll be wearing every time you see me this winter). I'm in that awkward pregnant mama stage where maternity clothes would look absolutely ridiculous but my normal clothes don't fit well either. I use a hair band to expand my jeans an extra inch or so, but I wanted a neutral cardigan to wear over my short-sleeved shirts and could grow with me but also be wearable when I theoretically shrink next year (again, I don't want to spend money on clothes that will only fit me for a few months). 

In all of my searching the only gray sweaters I could find were boyfriend sweaters or sweaters that would not be flattering to a big belly. I started googling cable knit cardigans but couldn't fun anything; apparently they are out of style. There is one on Amazon but it has bad reviews. I was about to give up but drove by a Ross this week and decided to check and see if they had something that would work. I'm not kidding--I walked right to it and was out of the store in less than 20 minutes (I tried it on and then waited in a holiday-inflated line). It's exactly what I had in mind: casual enough for every day, dressy enough to wear with a skirt. There's stretch to grow with me, and the belt hits right under my chest so in a few months it will accentuate a growing baby belly. 

I have to say--I did not pray for a mop or a sweater. I do pray frequently that we can use our resources wisely, though, and I do believe that these little tender mercies come from a loving Heavenly Father. 

********

The other thing I'm excited/impatient about is our home. We drive by every Sunday after church, but nothing has been done for almost a month, which is discouraging but not debilitating because I'm still packing up the house. Boxes everywhere! (I need more, if you have some.) I think they were waiting for a city inspection, which they must have had today because we got an update email on the house. 

It is officially at the half-way point. Hooray! This week they are insulating,  sheet rocking, and texturing the walls. Now that is exciting. 

book club

November was my book choice for book club: Erin Morgenstern's The Night Circus. I am still unsure about what I would rate it, but I did like it. I have never read anything like it--and I would recommend it simply for that reason. 

A good friend finished the book before I did and she enjoyed it so much that she texted me something like, "Please let me help you get ready for November's meeting!" Um--YES, pease! At first she suggested a $300 circus tent...we decided to use black and white crepe paper instead. 

As you can tell, the circus themed colors were black, white, and red. I chose some foods featured in the book including: French bread with cheese, apples with caramel, popcorn drizzled with chocolate, caramel popcorn (courtesy of my friend), licorice, and hot drinks (hot chocolate and herbal tea). 

Our turnout was a little smaller this month, I think mainly because I have been slacking on sending reminder emails, but many of our regulars still came, and we all dressed up in the circus theme (to be fair, it was an easy thing to do this month). 

It was an enjoyable evening, and I'm glad my turn is over--things like this stress me out! 

Also, some people have asked how our book club is organized. I have to admit that I borrowed ideas from a book club I was in while living in Cleveland. We are going to be entering our fourth year(!) of this book club and I have to admit it has worked very well. 

Every Decbember (next month!) is our planning meeting. We do a white elephant book exchange and come with ideas of books we would like to read over the next year. We vote on books and the person who suggests the book takes a month during the year to lead the discussion. They are also in charge of snacks that are usually related to the book for that month. That person can either host at their home or someone else will offer to host for them. We chose to do it on the first Tuesday of every month (except this month I changed it because Joe's birthday was last week). 

It works well because it's all planned out a year ahead of time. Also, we get a variety of books (for example, this year we read one about George Washington, a regency romance, Mary Poppins, and Ender's Game).

 

Finally, the best part about book club is the friendships that have been formed. I started it by sending out a mass message on Facebook--who likes to read? We started out as a sort of random group of women with just a love of literature in common, but over the past few years we have grown close to each other and become good friends. We have shared each other's good moments and cried with each other during hard times. A few months ago, for example, we were getting ready to start our meeting when one friend got a message that her son was going to the hospital in an ambulance. Another regular had had a hard day and didn't show up to book club. So what did we do? We loaded up in a Subrurban and took book club, hugs, and treats to her! 

Book club is the one night every month that I know I'm going to get to mix two of my favorite things--good women friends and good books. It is rejuvenating and refreshing to escape for a few hours. We can dress up or dress comfortable and be ourselves. I could go on and on, but my point is--you should try it!  

week 14

I sort of set a goal to document/take a picture for each week of this pregnancy. I missed last week. Oh well. Logan took this one and it's not too blurry. Celebrating the small things.

14 weeks today.

I'm dressed up in black, white, and red for The Night Circus--our book club pick for the month. More pics to come, but it was fantastic. 

I feel about the same, and I'm completely wiped out by the end of the day. I have been going to bed a few minutes after we get the kids to bed--around 8:22 pm, to be exact. One night they were taking longer than usually to get in their beds and I threatened them with tears of exhaustion--it was actually quite effective.  I wake up (by myself) around 5:00 am and feel wonderful. Mornings have even been sort of productive. Alas, it is 11:06 pm right now and I'm not going to want to get up tomorrow. Shoot. 

In other news, we have never let the kids sleep in bed with us. If they have bad dreams we let them climb under the covers long enough to tell us about it, then we tell them to get back into their own beds. It's never been a problem. Recently, though, Ammon has been coming into our room in the middle of the night complaining that he's scared. His solution? He pulls his pillow and blankets into our room and sleeps on the floor next to our bed. I am choosing to celebrate his creative problem-solving abilities. Also, I remember sleeping on the floor at the end of my parents' bed. 

Alrighty. Signing out. Good night. 

*I'm doing most of my blogging these days on my phone, which is convenient, but it's also easier to make mistakes. Some  of it is autocorrect and some of it is the lack of red squiggly lines when I have a word misspelled or a period missing. I can't see what I've written on a big screen, either. So if you notice more errors than usual that's why. Thanks for understanding! 

living in now

I'm really, super trying to live in today instead of  looking forward to tomorrow, but it has been difficult to do while waiting for the house to be built. I feel in some ways like I have been putting my life on hold. It's so bad that I am even daydreaming about how I'm going to have an entire wall of shelving in the laundry room to store massive amounts  of toilet paper! 

Other things I daydream about include how my kids' rooms are always going to be clean and organized. The food is going to taste better (of course!), and the kids will all have their own laundry baskets in their nice big closets--right now they all share one basket that resides, forever overflowing, in their bathroom. And if they all have laundry baskets then they can do their own laundry, right?!

Also, our kitchen sink faucet will actually work (and if it breaks then I won't feel angry about having to spend our $$$ to fix it because it will be MY house and therefore actually MY responsibility...)  Oh, and when it freezes outside I won't have to check underneath the sink to make sure there isn't a puddle of water (seriously, so strange). 

Ok, now I'm just complaining. Sorry!

There are a few things I have had to give up on living in the future for. 3 boys in one room--one of them sleeping on a cot? No thank you. Done with that. Logan is now sleeping on the futon (all made up into his very own full-sized bed) in the playroom. 

Flimsy plastic drawers whose owners end up dumping the contents out each and every time they are opened? A mom who begs  (nags) each and every day to please pick up the clothes?

Yeah, I'm not going to do that anymore either. 

I really didn't want to have any other furniture to move. "Let's just buy it at the new house," I said. 

But as part of my living in today (and not going crazy), we bought our first ever brand new dresser! From ikea. Yay. 

It took me 4.5 hours to put together (though I did eat dinner in the middle of that). It turns out that Madison is a decent helper. She got the drawers prepped and I used the power screwdriver thingy and we zipped through those drawers fairly quickly. 

Also, I now understand why dressers are expensive (hence ikea). So many pieces! I don't know that I will be putting another one together, but who knows how time will affect my memory. 

Madison also helped the boys decorate their dresser. Kind of funny, but they (Grant and Ammon) are thrilled about it, and so far--after 2 days--all the clothes have stayed in the drawers! 

And what am I going to do with those now-empty plastic drawers? Fill them with Legos and cars so that I can pack up the rest of the toys and puzzles and tree lawn the broken shelving unit they have been stored on (when they aren't all over the floor). 

No, I'm not living in the future at all.....

happy days

I am in love with fall weather and rain. Turn on the apple cinnamon fake scentsy,  some Frank Sinatra (soon to be Frank Sinatra Christmas music), and the lamp in the corner and you have a perfect day. 

It's been a wonderful, cold(ish), rainy week!

Yesterday a friend with a 3 year old daughter invited me to go thrift store shopping with her for kids' winter clothes. She said she had heard there were 4 thrift stores in a row about 20 minutes from us in a nice part of town (nice part of town = better donations). It sounded like a fun way to spend the morning, so we loaded up the kids and went thrifting. Even though we only (lol) made it to three stores--we scored big time. 

I have been looking for a winter jacket for Madison and found one for $6.00! I got her a few other warm sweatshirts and Logan two pairs of pants and two warm shirts as well. Everything looks brand new. They were excited for the new clothes, and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to explain to them how a thrift store works and why it's such a blessing to live frugally. 

The most random find was a pair of gray BYU-Idaho sweatpants--for me! Ammon and I were staying warm under a blanket and reading a Lightening McQueen book when Joe got home last night. When I asked him if he wanted to see what I found he kind of rolled his eyes and said, "I'd love that." But when I popped up to show him the sweats (I had already washed everything) he laughed and said, "no way!" Way! Those elastic, stretchy, warm, comfy sweats are going to get a lot of use this winter. 

Ammon and his little friend both found a pair of rain boots that fit (well, his are a little large), so we bought them boots, put them on in the store, and took them outside to jump (over and over) in every rain puddle they could find. I wish I had taken a picture of them jumping with their huge smiles. Kids find so much joy in the simple things, and it brings me joy to feel like I had a part in making their day memorable--even if and when they are dragged around to thrift store after thrift store after thrift store. 

 

Today I volunteered to watch another little friend while her mom went on a field trip with a sibling. The kids played well together and that gave me time to mop the kitchen floor (it was badly needed). Another friend stopped by with her kids and we were able to catch up for a while and eat lunch together--tomato soup and her homemade rolls (soup and rolls--another perk of fall). I love having good friends that make me feel like I don't need to worry about feeling judged when they come over and see my messy home. We had a two year old, two three year olds, and a four year old, and they all played marvelously together--no fighting--without making too big of a mess in the playroom. It was kind of amazing, actually. 

November really is my favorite--with its cozy weather and the constant reminder to think of the many things we have been blessed with--I can't help but feel happy. Today I am grateful for good friends, good weather, good food, thrift stores, saving money, puddles, puddle jumpers, and a clean kitchen floor. And a nap. I got a short 30 minute nap today and it was wonderful! 

our dad gets older

If you haven't already, don't forget to tell Joe happy birthday! (Also get out and vote.)

I love birthdays--really! But for whatever reason (I'm older, more going on, there's a baby drinking my blood....pick one) I'm EXHAUSTED!! We celebrated by going to Maggiano's for lunch...yesterday.... and I made him breakfast burritos this morning (minus the potatoes because I just couldn't do it). We had lots of leftovers from our lunch yesterday and I ordered him a piece of cheesecake to go (the kind of cake he always requests for his birthday) and told him we'd eat the leftovers for dinner tonight and he could have his cheesecake whenever he wanted. This morning I informed the kids that we were skipping cake for the rest of us (with Logan's birthday and several parties and Halloween we've had PLENTY of sugar).

He found his package that came in the mail last week and opened it and shot it in the backyard (bow and arrows). I have another gift for him that I haven't wrapped yet (hoping for energy today but I'm using it to write this post). I DID buy scotch tape so at least we won't be using painter's tape this time. :)

OK, so his 36th birthday might be a little bit pathetic. 

I'm so lucky that he (says he) doesn't mind. 

Last night Logan was in charge of our family home evening. He taught us a lesson on gratitude, which is perfect because this is the month of Thanksgiving, after all. He gave us a piece of paper and an assignment to write down each family member's name and a reason we were grateful to have them in our family. The kids did surprisingly well--except for a few "nice" things were not really so nice.

Anyway, other than Ammon, every single person wrote a variation of being thankful that Dad makes money (Ammon said he's thankful that Dad gives him pop. I'm pretty sure that pop is his love language). So the big joke now is that we just love Dad for his money. (Every single person said a variation of being thankful for Mom because she takes care of them, so I don't feel too bad for him.)

I was going to write that I am thankful for a husband who cooks and cleans--that's why I fell in love with him, after all--but I don't think he would have appreciated that any more than being loved for his money. How about: he's witty and hard-working and calm and knows that what I really want is for him to put the kids to bed while I escape pick up the mess downstairs. 

One last recent story about Joe. For the last week or so his car was smelling Terrible!! It just kept getting worse; we thought it was a dead animal. I drove it to a meeting on Saturday and had to roll the windows down even though it was 45 degrees outside because I thought I was going to throw up!

Joe finally decided to investigate and found...wait for it.... a bag of broccoli in his trunk. It must have fallen out of a grocery bag--weeks ago. That took care of the smell immediately, thank goodness! So I am also grateful for a husband who takes care of dirty, stinky things.  

Happy Birthday Daddy! You're getting OLD! 

(I love you!)

pictures!!!

I was hanging out with a friend a few months ago and we were talking about something and somehow decided we should save money this year and take each other's family pictures.  After rescheduling about 10 times we finally did it! (Well, we still need to take hers.) For 30 minutes and 95 pictures of trying to get four kids on a Halloween candy sugar high to stop playing with sticks and look at the camera, a husband who was missing his BYU football game, and no professional training, I think they came out ok!  I'm still going through them, but here's a not-so-sneaky preview of a few of our favorites. Joe's weird step picture is the only one in this pose where everyone is actually mostly looking up at the camera, so I'm embracing the weird step thing. 

Week 12

First of all, I asked four different people in my family to take a picture of me, and this was the best they got. They are going to work on getting the camera (phone) in focus, and I'm going to work on reapplying eyeliner.

Based on the viewpoint, I believe that Grant took this winning picture. When I explained why I wanted a picture he said, "You don't even look fat. Just tall." Thanks buddy. Just wait.

Next up is a picture Madison took. She, too, won my favor by saying, "You don't look any different, Mom." I am only putting her photo on here because it's one of the few pictures I have ever had taken of me where I look like I have boobs. Oh pregnancy body, Thank You for this gift you've given me! 

Aside from queasy evenings, I'm feeling well. My kids all got a stomach bug this week and dear husband got up with them and cleaned up after them. Being pregnant has some perks! 

I know it's super early for this, but I swear I can feel the baby moving! Not often, and only when I'm still and things are quiet (so that's reaally not often), but after four babies....I'm pretty sure the popcorn feeling in my lower belly is baby. That is definitely the very best part of growing a human. 

sugar overload

I have a ton to catch up on but I'm tired, so let's get it over with quickly. 

Logan turned 11 yesterday. Whoa what?! He wanted a ninja party with night games. We invited a bunch of boys to a fenced in park with a lot of play equipment, fed them pizza and cake, and then let them play hide and seek and capture the flag in the dark. Then we threw everything in the trash can, sent the boys back with their parents, and went home. No one got majorly hurt, so I'm calling it a grand success. Happy birthday Logan! We love you and feel extremely blessed to have such a sensitive and caring young man in our family. 

........................

Next up: the ward Halloween party. 

This year I told the kids that I wasn't buying Halloween costumes. They are expensive and they sit around in a box, unused and unworn, for the rest of my life. Instead, they were supposed to come up with their own costumes, and if they needed something that was reusable to go with their costume I would be more than happy to buy it. There was a little bit of complaining, but in the end I think they all felt some ownership for their ideas/costumes. 

This is what they came up with: 

Hermione from Harry Potter 

(She wore her brother's church shirt, her dad's tie, my graduation robe, and we bought black shoes and tights)

The Hulk (a costume we already had) 

Ninja Logan 

(I bought him a dry weave long sleeve shirt that looks very tight to me but he likes it because he can visibly ripple his muscles through it)

I was going to make him use a black shirt over his head but found this at the Dollar Store. 

Corporal Grant 

(Loves camo; bought him long pants; hat from the Dollar Store) 

And thus commences a season of way, way too much sugar. 

Happy Holidays and Brush Well!!

when Ammon is a dad

This morning I pleaded with Ammon to stay three forever. Nope. He wants to be a dad, he says. I guess that's acceptable. When I asked him why he wanted to be a dad he immediately replied, "So I can make money and buy things."  

The rest of the morning he randomly listed off reasons why he wants to be a dad. They include:

*he won't spill things anymore

*he won't break flashlights anymore (this has become a problem at our house)

*he can drive a car

*he can buy pop whenever he wants

*he can give pop to his kids

*he can put Madison, Logan, and Grant on the naughty floor

*he can get packages in the mail 

I feel positive that some of these things might happen when he's a dad. 

the scoop

I am officially 11 weeks pregnant today. And because I know many of you are wondering (and a few have asked)--yes. We absolutely wanted this baby. That doesn't mean I'm not scared--I'm terrified. But we are very excited to invite another spirit into our home. And I feel giddy when I think of all the family get togethers that await me 20 years from now. 

We kept the pregnancy very quiet--partly because I savor the secret, and partly because after my miscarriage in April I felt terrified of it happening again. My first ob appointment was yesterday (I didn't even call the doctor until I got past the point I was in April when I miscarried, and I got a lecture for it, too). We wanted to take an announcement picture on Sunday because we all looked nice for church, and because I knew that once I got a good report that I would want to celebrate with family and friends. 

Of course, that meant we had to explain to the kids why we wanted them to line up by birth order. Joe said, "Say what number of kid you are." Then when he got to me he asked me what number I was. "Five!" The kids were so confused, saying things like, "Mom's not a kid!" Finally, they got it, and started asking a million questions about gender and names and dates and what it feels like. Basically, I'm going to be answering a lot of questions over the next 6 months!

Also, Madison likes to touch my belly and talk to the baby, and it takes a lot of willpower to not push her away and say, "stop touching me!!!" ...I try to do/say it nicely....

Anyway, Sunday evening we sent the picture to our families and made some phone calls. I'm glad we did, because it was nice having that support and knowing that there were a few people who knew I was going to the dr--which meant if something went wrong, I had people to confide in--whereas last time I did not tell anyone until after it happened, and when you go through something like that you need support! 

Joe still claims it would be fun to keep it a secret the entire 9 months and then post a picture of the baby, but he's not the one getting big and fat (can't keep that a secret!), and besides that, these next 6 1/2 months I am going to celebrate with anyone who will celebrate with me!!

I confided in Ammon shortly after we found out we were expecting. He's three, and surely had no idea what mommy was talking about when she said she had a baby in her tummy. 

Wrong. A friend took him to the park one day shortly after I had pulled a muscle in my ribs and could hardly move. She told me a few days later that  Ammon had "spilled the beans." I guess the lesson is to never trust a 3 year old with secrets. 

Obviously, my doctor's appointment went well. There is a baby and a heartbeat! The baby was dancing around the entire time, and if you look closely you can see the profile with a little tiny nose. 

The other question I have been asked is whether or not I want a boy or a girl. And the answer surprises me--I really don't care. I wanted another girl for so long, but now I know boys, and it's kind of special to just have my Madi. I admit that girls' hair bows and dresses are adorable, though. I am leaving it up to my Heavenly Father; He knows what our family needs, and whatever we get is what I want. 

It's kind of crazy to think that if I hadn't miscarried that I would be having a baby in a few weeks. I thought that the holidays would be a sad reminder that we didn't have that baby, but again--I know it was part of the plan, and I look forward to this life that will join us in May instead. Also, I'm probably a lot more comfortable right now than I would be otherwise (though it's only delayed)!

Every pregnancy has been different for me. I don't get very sick, thank goodness. I have thrown up a total of 3 times with 6 pregnancies (knock on wood). With Logan I felt sick with smells or disgusting visuals (once when we were on a walk Joe spit on the ground and I started gagging). With Madison I gagged everytime I brushed my teeth. This time I feel pretty good, but when dinnertime and evening come around, I feel awful! I don't throw up, but I think if I did I would feel better! I wonder if it's just because I'm tired in the evening. To combat it, I just go to bed, and Joe has been so good to get the kids to bed by himself most nights. I am able to fall asleep quickly, fortunately, but unfortunately, I wake up around 3-4 every morning and am unable to go back to sleep. By the time I get everyone off to school I am beat! I'm not complaining, though. This is part of the experience, and especially because I'm 99.99% sure this is the last time I will have this experience, I am going to savor it. Every minute! 

reason #7 why we just can't wait to move!

ETA: May 12, 2015