Wrinkles and Popular

Madison knows that she can get me to let her stay up later if she starts playing with my hair right around bedtime. Turns out this time together is also a good time to talk--well, more like it's a good time for me to listen--and find out what is going on with her.

Things like boys, and games they play to determine how many kids they are going to have, and who is popular.

Popular.

That word just made me cringe. How, at the age of eight and in the third grade, do children already know who is popular? I'm not going to lie, just thinking about the word, the feelings, the growing up--it  terrifies me.

I asked her what made people popular. She explained that popular people are athletic, smart, dress nicely, and have a lot of friends.

She also told me that they know when girls like boys when girls start caring about what they wear everyday.

Then she said that you can know if a girl is popular by the way she walks. Apparently, popular girls shake their bottoms when they walk.

I'm not kidding. Just writing it all down is making me feel sick to my stomach.

All of those popular qualities are great; there's nothing wrong with being athletic or being smart or having nice clothes. Hey--I wish I could shake my bum, that's for sure. I just hate that those things have to define us--define children.

I asked Madison what kind of a person she thought she was, and she quickly replied, "I'm a tomboy." She explained that she would rather wear t-shirts than dresses or skirts, she doesn't want to get her ears pierced, and she thought that she was too young to have crushes on boys. Put all of that together, and she's a tomboy.

It was a good conversation. Very eye-opening. And scary.

Madison also checked the lines on the wrist of my closed fist to see how many boys and girls I was going to have. Four--can you believe it? And as I watched her count, I noticed that my hands are getting wrinkled, the skin loose and lined, and I realized that I'm getting older. Somehow I made it through that growing up mess, and I'm not going to lie: it was hard. But I made it, I found myself somewhere along the way, and I figured out who I am.

I know she can make it through, too, but I don't know what I'm doing. It's scary, this mommy thing! I don't want to run out and buy expensive clothing or pressure her to be in every activity (that would make me crazy, actually), but I don't want her to think that she is less than anyone. I don't want her to be snobby, but I don't want her to feel left out, either. So I teach her the best that I can and listen to what she is willing to tell me, and I pray that somehow I will know how to help her, and that she will be confident and strong, because having nice clothes and "popular" friends are not the same thing as owning confidence. Confidence. If only I had the answer--I would share it with you for free.

oh what a night

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm exhausted.

Here's why:

I have been having some irregular heart palpitations. Don't worry (I'm doing enough of that on my own), I went to the doctor this week to get an EKG and some blood work done. I am healthy. However, it's causing me some major anxiety, so I'm going to a cardiologist next week to see if they figure out what's going on and how to make it stop. 

Last night the palpitations started around 7:00 p.m., and when I started timing, they were occurring every 4-5 seconds. They aren't painful, really, they just aren't normal, and when it's your heart that isn't normal, it's a little disconcerting. I tried showering, walking, and finally I just sat down to watch t.v. to take my mind off of my wildly beating heart. I started feeling like I could maybe fall asleep despite the weirdness around 11:30, and happily, I think I fell asleep rather quickly.

Then, at 2:00 a.m. Ammon started sobbing about wanting his balloon that was downstairs. We told him he could get it in the morning and to go back to bed. He said "o.k."

At 2:30 he got up to poop.

The heart palpitations were still going strong at this point, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't want to wake Joe up, so I went downstairs to get a drink of water and read for a while.

At 3:00 Ammon came downstairs looking for his balloon. I gave it to him and told him to go back to bed. 

At 3:30 Madison came down stairs. I told her to go back to bed.

Around 4:00 a.m. I noticed that the palpitations were getting further apart, and I was feeling sleepy again, so I decided try sleeping on the sofa. 

At 4:30 Logan came downstairs. I told him to go back to bed. 

At 5:45 I heard someone moving around. I thought it was Joe leaving for seminary, but it was Logan making his lunch in the kitchen. I asked him to make sure Joe was up. He wasn't. I told the kids to wake him up and finish their lunches while I slept on the sofa. 

Needless to say, I did not get up in time to make the kids the yummy Valentine's breakfast I had planned.

And I'm completely wiped out. A little emotional, too. 

At least my heart is beating normally right now.

I feel a little guilty about missing the kids' school parties afternoon, but I just can't do it right now. We can still make it a fun day when they get home. Right? 

ice cream for lunch

A few weeks ago we made Valentines for our extended family members. Since Valentine's Day is on Friday, I decided I should hurry and send them today.

I went to the post office.

This is huge, people! Last year I went to the post office once--a week before Christmas. I'm feeling pretty good about making it to the post office already in 2014. So let me say it again:

I went to the post office.

Unlike the Christmas expedition, we only had to wait for one person. Ammon was looking pretty cute with his batman cape over his puffy winter jacket, so the man in front of us gave him a $5.00 bill and said, "Batman, you should take your mom out for ice cream."

I asked Ammon what he wanted to do when we got in the car, and of course he said, "Let's go get ice cream!" I explained that it was pretty cold to eat ice cream and he said, "Weeelll, I have my warm jacket on."

We decided to get a 1/2 gallon of ice cream to share with the other kids, who were at home. Ammon chose Death by Chocolate (no kidding, that's the one he pointed to, but I'm not complaining!). He even paid for it himself with his $5.00 bill.

As soon as he got home he ran up the stairs to tell the others what he got, and they ran down the stairs to confirm his story.

And that is why we ate ice cream for lunch.

shoe's on the wrong feet

oh yeah, they ate a grilled cheese sandwich with jam first. 

super hero cape on the ground

p.p.s. Don't try swirling in peanut butter with your death by chocolate.