real fast

Our closing date got pushed back by a week mainly because of the Dallas Blizzard. I was pretty bummed until I realized 1. We had another week to get ready to move, 2. It would be a miserable, cold, wet weekend to move, and 3. I didn't want that cold, wet snow/mud tracked all over my brand new home and carpets. What's a week?!

So instead of moving, we went sledding last night. I think it was Ammon's first time, and he loved it. I'm so glad we brought our (one) sled when we moved from Ohio! Also, I love our fun little town! 

This morning we got up early and got to busines. Joe worked some more in the garage. I successfully sold Madison's bed and our patio set, and we took apart all the kids' beds (and cleaned up the random things hidden underneath them). Sweet Joe scrubbed the kids' shower and we put the landlord's shower curtain back up. 

The bulk trash people were supposed to come on Thursday but didn't make it because of the weather, so we were waiting to take our bulk items out because we didn't want them be buried in the snow. I was cleaning up when I heard the truck outside and I started yelling for Joe to hurry!! He ran out and asked if they would wait for us to bring out our bulky items. It was such a lucky little blessing to get those things cleared out today, because otherwise we would've had to wait two more weeks!

We were organized into a new ward last week, but I haven't given back my church building keys (I promise I will!). So as a reward for our hard work, we all went to the church to play basketball. Ammon got to ride his scooter in a million court-sized circles and Madi enjoyed practicing with her ripstick on the smooth floor. Logan almost legitimately beat Joe in HORSE and Grant spent the last 20 minutes we were there crying because he couldn't make a basket. 

We decided to go out for tacos and Joe ordered us an array of yummy food, including sopapillas. Grant cried because Logan got the last sopapilla, and Logan surprised us all by walking over and giving it to him. It was extra sweet because they have been fighting with each other ALL day/week, so we were kind of shocked. Grant accepted the gift, ate it, and then walked over to Logan, gave him a big hug, and said, "Thank you, Logan. You are the best brother." Those few seconds changed the whole mood of the family. 

Little by little we are getting the moving work done, and little by little I am catching tiny glimpses of hope that my kids really do care about each other. 

Fingers are crossed that this week will run smoothly, that the work will get done, and that we will have the strength and energy to get it done. That the house will close on time and that the weather will cooperate. That it will really happen and that we can finally move in and move on. To moving. Cheers! 

never gonna end

Today I gave myself a pity party. I thought of all the reasons my life is hard right now and I cried and felt sorry for myself. I mixed it up with a little bit of work... scrubbing the shower and bathtub. Laundry. Packing a box or three. I took a shower in my clean shower and then I crawled under my covers and cried some more. I tried to take a nap, but all I could think about was everything that needed to be done.

Joe called me on his way home from work and I started crying some more. He asked me what was wrong and I told him, "The more I do to try and prepare to move the more I realize there's more to do, and it's never going to end." After almost 14 years of marriage, that man walked in the door and did the only thing he could do: envelope me in a big, protective hug. (He also brought me chocolate and made wonderful promises about being around more to help me. I'm in love.) 

I've had all day to throw this pity party; I've mixed it up with a little bit of thinking, and the funny thing is that the things that are hard right now are also the things that I am most grateful for in my life. Isn't that ironic? 

Kids. I love my kids. Kids are a lot of work.

29 Weeks Pregnant (with kid #5!). I'm feeling it. My body is tired and uncomfortable and all I really want to do is rest, but I can't. I have kids and I have to get ready to move. I enjoy being pregnant, I really do. But I'm getting to the point where I don't feel very pretty. My clothes don't fit the way I would like, my face is looking worn, tired, dry, and it's already getting a little bit swollen. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I'm not sleeping well. There's the bathroom thing. And the baby moving a lot and waking me up all night thing. And Ammon coming into my room at 1:30 am to tell me he has to go potty. And me not being able to go back to sleep, partly because all I can do is think about everything I need to do.  Anyway. Growing a human is a lot of work.

Moving. I have been waiting for this day/week/month since the first week of April 2014. That's a lie. I have been waiting for this day since we left Cleveland, and I've been preparing for it since April. My house is complete chaos and a total disaster and I really don't know how it's all going to happen. Moving is a lot of work.

Business is good. Every day I ask Joe how his day went, and every day he tells me that he is swamped. And I think: What an incredible blessing to have work. To have income. To be able to provide for a family and to pay for a new baby and to buy a new house. But when Joe's load gets heavy away from home, my load gets heavier at home as well, and the load feels especially heavy at 29 weeks while trying to move. Being busy is a lot of work. 

So there's my pity party. It has to end today because I simply and complicatedly have too much to do to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I know there are worse things in life. I know that soon we will be unpacked and enjoying our new home. I know that this baby will come and we will somehow find the time to prepare for his arrival before then. Everything is going to be OK. But today, right now, this feels hard--and that's ok, too. 

Yes, that is my dirty, dirty bathroom mirror. It's on my to-do list. 

27 weeks 3 days

I think this is my first selfie; it's blurry and I feel silly. But--I haven't done a picture for several weeks and I want to remember what I looked like when I was pregnant. 

First: a story. The kids have been jiggling my belly and talking and singing to the baby. It's been fun to be able to talk to them each week about how the baby is growing and the neat tricks he can do (he can blink in there!). They've also been asking a lot of questions about how the baby is going to get out. We are pretty open with them. They've already started to pray for a comfortable and safe delivery.

Two days ago Ammon was saying his personal prayers and he started out saying, "Please let the baby pop out of mom soon." There were a few more pop requests, and then suddenly it turned to, "Please help mom to not hurt when she poops out the baby." I was trying so hard not to laugh! But for a 3 year old, that is not a bad understanding! I am basically going to poop out a nine pound baby. No wonder it's uncomfortable. 

Also, apparently my kids haven't told their teachers that they are going to have a new baby, and the teachers are starting to stare at my belly....I can tell they want to ask me if it is what they think it is when I go in each week to eat lunch with the kids. Yesterday one of Logan's teachers came up to me as we were leaving. She talked to Ammon for a few minutes, gave him a high-five, then said, "So do you just have 3 kids?" (Referring to Madi, Logan, and Ammon.) I told her that Grant was in first grade, and I could see her glance at my belly, so I said circled it and said, "And this little boy makes five!" Wow five! I know! I don't mind the surprise and comments, though. I just say, "Yep! We love them all! The more the merrier!"

I'm feeling pretty good. It is starting to get harder to bend over and to get up and down from the floor. When I walk too quickly or for too long (my exercise of choice) I get cramps on my right side underbelly. 

August (is that really going to be his name?!) is filling out my body and I can feel limbs scraping against my sides. I rub my belly and poke him back. (This is probably my favorite thing about being pregnant.) I wonder what he thinks as he hears the chaos of his brothers and sister...and mom and dad trying to talk over them. What a crazy, loud family he is coming to, full of people who will love and spoil him! 

We have a tentative moving date--hooray! I am looking forward to being able to prepare for this little guy's arrival. 

responsible

We are so responsible that we have a fire extinguisher hanging up in our pantry. 

And then about 2 years ago, right when I decided the kids were old enough to make their own lunches, we became less responsible by hanging the bag of lunch chips on the fire extinguisher. 

Perhaps it's pure luck that it has worked out for us....until today. Despite the fact that I've been up since 5 am (also I'm growing a human), I forced myself to do something today and decided to start with discarding the TWO empty chip bags hanging on the fire extinguisher. I knocked it down. It went off. 

White powder everywhere. 

The canister still feels pretty heavy, so I think it sprayed only a small amount, but it made a huge mess. Also, it continued to leak when placed upright. So...I wadded up a piece of paper towel and stuck it up the hose. 

Not so responsible anymore, are we?

The good news is that as a result my pantry is cleaner, and the entire kitchen has been wiped down, swept, and mopped. 

Also. I have two HUGE goals I'm working towards, but I'm really struggling because I'm stuck! I can't do a lot to meet these goals right now, and so while my mind is completely occupied and obsessed with knowing what needs to happen, I am left feeling blah in the suspense of anxiously waiting for the day I can actually start working towards those two things: moving and preparing for a baby. 

I am really, really hoping/wanting/praying that we can move this month--the earlier the better. I have packed almost everything I can that we don't use regularly. I have organized closets and desks and drawers and taken bags and bags to thrift stores and every Tuesday Trash Day my garbage can is overflowing. I've studied and asked around and planned the best way to move things: closets and kitchen and bathrooms first, then all the big stuff. I need to hire a piano mover and someone to clean the rental once we are out. The only thing I haven't touched is the garage, and I'm heavily hinting to DH that he might want to do that soon....

Then when we move I can find a crib and a car seat and focus on getting ready for baby #5. May is coming up fast. 

So that's where I'm at right now. Anxiety attack!