Week 12

First of all, I asked four different people in my family to take a picture of me, and this was the best they got. They are going to work on getting the camera (phone) in focus, and I'm going to work on reapplying eyeliner.

Based on the viewpoint, I believe that Grant took this winning picture. When I explained why I wanted a picture he said, "You don't even look fat. Just tall." Thanks buddy. Just wait.

Next up is a picture Madison took. She, too, won my favor by saying, "You don't look any different, Mom." I am only putting her photo on here because it's one of the few pictures I have ever had taken of me where I look like I have boobs. Oh pregnancy body, Thank You for this gift you've given me! 

Aside from queasy evenings, I'm feeling well. My kids all got a stomach bug this week and dear husband got up with them and cleaned up after them. Being pregnant has some perks! 

I know it's super early for this, but I swear I can feel the baby moving! Not often, and only when I'm still and things are quiet (so that's reaally not often), but after four babies....I'm pretty sure the popcorn feeling in my lower belly is baby. That is definitely the very best part of growing a human. 

sugar overload

I have a ton to catch up on but I'm tired, so let's get it over with quickly. 

Logan turned 11 yesterday. Whoa what?! He wanted a ninja party with night games. We invited a bunch of boys to a fenced in park with a lot of play equipment, fed them pizza and cake, and then let them play hide and seek and capture the flag in the dark. Then we threw everything in the trash can, sent the boys back with their parents, and went home. No one got majorly hurt, so I'm calling it a grand success. Happy birthday Logan! We love you and feel extremely blessed to have such a sensitive and caring young man in our family. 

........................

Next up: the ward Halloween party. 

This year I told the kids that I wasn't buying Halloween costumes. They are expensive and they sit around in a box, unused and unworn, for the rest of my life. Instead, they were supposed to come up with their own costumes, and if they needed something that was reusable to go with their costume I would be more than happy to buy it. There was a little bit of complaining, but in the end I think they all felt some ownership for their ideas/costumes. 

This is what they came up with: 

Hermione from Harry Potter 

(She wore her brother's church shirt, her dad's tie, my graduation robe, and we bought black shoes and tights)

The Hulk (a costume we already had) 

Ninja Logan 

(I bought him a dry weave long sleeve shirt that looks very tight to me but he likes it because he can visibly ripple his muscles through it)

I was going to make him use a black shirt over his head but found this at the Dollar Store. 

Corporal Grant 

(Loves camo; bought him long pants; hat from the Dollar Store) 

And thus commences a season of way, way too much sugar. 

Happy Holidays and Brush Well!!

when Ammon is a dad

This morning I pleaded with Ammon to stay three forever. Nope. He wants to be a dad, he says. I guess that's acceptable. When I asked him why he wanted to be a dad he immediately replied, "So I can make money and buy things."  

The rest of the morning he randomly listed off reasons why he wants to be a dad. They include:

*he won't spill things anymore

*he won't break flashlights anymore (this has become a problem at our house)

*he can drive a car

*he can buy pop whenever he wants

*he can give pop to his kids

*he can put Madison, Logan, and Grant on the naughty floor

*he can get packages in the mail 

I feel positive that some of these things might happen when he's a dad. 

the scoop

I am officially 11 weeks pregnant today. And because I know many of you are wondering (and a few have asked)--yes. We absolutely wanted this baby. That doesn't mean I'm not scared--I'm terrified. But we are very excited to invite another spirit into our home. And I feel giddy when I think of all the family get togethers that await me 20 years from now. 

We kept the pregnancy very quiet--partly because I savor the secret, and partly because after my miscarriage in April I felt terrified of it happening again. My first ob appointment was yesterday (I didn't even call the doctor until I got past the point I was in April when I miscarried, and I got a lecture for it, too). We wanted to take an announcement picture on Sunday because we all looked nice for church, and because I knew that once I got a good report that I would want to celebrate with family and friends. 

Of course, that meant we had to explain to the kids why we wanted them to line up by birth order. Joe said, "Say what number of kid you are." Then when he got to me he asked me what number I was. "Five!" The kids were so confused, saying things like, "Mom's not a kid!" Finally, they got it, and started asking a million questions about gender and names and dates and what it feels like. Basically, I'm going to be answering a lot of questions over the next 6 months!

Also, Madison likes to touch my belly and talk to the baby, and it takes a lot of willpower to not push her away and say, "stop touching me!!!" ...I try to do/say it nicely....

Anyway, Sunday evening we sent the picture to our families and made some phone calls. I'm glad we did, because it was nice having that support and knowing that there were a few people who knew I was going to the dr--which meant if something went wrong, I had people to confide in--whereas last time I did not tell anyone until after it happened, and when you go through something like that you need support! 

Joe still claims it would be fun to keep it a secret the entire 9 months and then post a picture of the baby, but he's not the one getting big and fat (can't keep that a secret!), and besides that, these next 6 1/2 months I am going to celebrate with anyone who will celebrate with me!!

I confided in Ammon shortly after we found out we were expecting. He's three, and surely had no idea what mommy was talking about when she said she had a baby in her tummy. 

Wrong. A friend took him to the park one day shortly after I had pulled a muscle in my ribs and could hardly move. She told me a few days later that  Ammon had "spilled the beans." I guess the lesson is to never trust a 3 year old with secrets. 

Obviously, my doctor's appointment went well. There is a baby and a heartbeat! The baby was dancing around the entire time, and if you look closely you can see the profile with a little tiny nose. 

The other question I have been asked is whether or not I want a boy or a girl. And the answer surprises me--I really don't care. I wanted another girl for so long, but now I know boys, and it's kind of special to just have my Madi. I admit that girls' hair bows and dresses are adorable, though. I am leaving it up to my Heavenly Father; He knows what our family needs, and whatever we get is what I want. 

It's kind of crazy to think that if I hadn't miscarried that I would be having a baby in a few weeks. I thought that the holidays would be a sad reminder that we didn't have that baby, but again--I know it was part of the plan, and I look forward to this life that will join us in May instead. Also, I'm probably a lot more comfortable right now than I would be otherwise (though it's only delayed)!

Every pregnancy has been different for me. I don't get very sick, thank goodness. I have thrown up a total of 3 times with 6 pregnancies (knock on wood). With Logan I felt sick with smells or disgusting visuals (once when we were on a walk Joe spit on the ground and I started gagging). With Madison I gagged everytime I brushed my teeth. This time I feel pretty good, but when dinnertime and evening come around, I feel awful! I don't throw up, but I think if I did I would feel better! I wonder if it's just because I'm tired in the evening. To combat it, I just go to bed, and Joe has been so good to get the kids to bed by himself most nights. I am able to fall asleep quickly, fortunately, but unfortunately, I wake up around 3-4 every morning and am unable to go back to sleep. By the time I get everyone off to school I am beat! I'm not complaining, though. This is part of the experience, and especially because I'm 99.99% sure this is the last time I will have this experience, I am going to savor it. Every minute! 

reason #7 why we just can't wait to move!

ETA: May 12, 2015

Countdown

October 16; 8 days until Logan turns 11, 15 days until Halloween. Joe's birthday. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year's. Moving Day. 

Fall is my favorite, but it's busy. 

The kids have been reminding me--often--that we haven't put up our Halloween decorations. I've been putting it off, mainly because holiday decorating isn't as fun as it was when it was a new thing for me (let's say around 11 years ago when Logan was born). Also, I keep thinking about how I will decorate the new house, and that translates into ingratitude for what I have now, and therefore a lesser desire to clean/decorate/enjoy. 

But I love my kids and I want to be more grateful, so Ammon and I pulled out our decorations and bought some spider webbing from Target's dollar spot. We got to work while we watched Monsters Inc.

First of all, a bag of that spider webbing expands as you start to pull it apart. It goes a long way..... Also, it sticks to stuff and it might not be so easy to get off in 16 days. 

We just decorated a few areas in the living room. Maybe next year we'll do more... In our new house... But I'm trying not to focus on that, remember?

The black things are tiny mice. 

Something still isn't quite right with this area, but I gave up on it. The kids won't care. 

I would like to find a black rose and a black plate--next year?

Overall, I think the kids will be surprised and pleased when they get home from school. 

On a different note--I have been a BYU-Idaho ambassador for the last 7 years. Technically, I was supposed to be talking to the youth in our stake and ward about BYU-I and helping them apply, register, answer questions, etc. I haven't really been doing it, so this year when they sent out the renewal papers I declined. But our favorite babysitter (the one that knows where everything is and what you expect and how to get the kids in bed and actually plays with your kids) asked me a few weeks ago if I would help her figure out what classes she needed to take and how to register, etc. It has been a long time since I've been in college (again, that 11 year number!), but of course I said yes, and felt that it was quite a compliment to be asked. Today she came over and we looked at classes and campus maps and figured out how to navigate through the college's online website. It was enjoyable to talk to her as an adult, and crazy to think that in few short years--8?!--I will be doing this with my own children. We will miss her as our babysitter, but I know she is headed towards good things. 

I suppose that today has been a day of counting down, and realizing that it goes by much faster than anticipated. So put up your decorations, play with your babies, come what may and love it.  Also, don't wait until single didget days to rush your son to complete his Webelos requirements. Oops. 

getting cool and staying warm

Today it finally feels like Fall--hooray! The temperature hasn't been above 60 degrees all day and we are wearing long pants and long sleeves and it's marvelous! 

Logan made everyone hot chocolate before I got up and then I made pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. Joe has been out of town a lot and I haven't been feeling well (sinus and respiratory infection) and the house has kind of gotten out of control. I am starting to feel better, finally, so I had my crazy moment and started cleaning the house like a madwoman. I am kind of ready to pack up everything I can and get rid of everything I don't love--but for now I am just trying to tidy up. It just so happens that this weather puts me in the mood to clean, so that's convenient. 

Speaking of packing, I was searching for some family fun today and a friend who lives in our future neighborhood sent me a message that there was a fall festival going on in our neighborhood. Since we are basically residents, we decided to go. 

First we drove by our house.

Yay! Progress!!

On to the festival. 

There was a petting zoo. Ammon and Grant didn't kill any animals, but there was some squeezing, chirping alarms, and a few droppings. Not poop droppings. Animal droppings. 

Logan rode his own horse but had already gotten off when they (the people in charge) realized all four kids were mine. They told Logan to get on with Grant and then pulled them all together (sort of) so I could get a picture. I have to admit, this made me giddy happy because it felt like they cared about us--and we've never met! Good business tactic because I picked up a brochure and will definitely check them out. 

We ate complimentary popcorn and cotton candy while we waited in line for a train ride. 

Train ride! Squish! 

While we were there, I checked out one of the neighborhood clubhouses. There is a weight room, classroom (for things like yoga and even a sewing class!) and a playroom for kids. Then we walked to our builder's model home so that the kids could see what our house will kind of sort of look like. We drove around our neighborhood to check out all the pools and walking trails.

Overall, the day has confirmed that we made a good choice. It is not easy for me to make decisions, and this is one that I have gone back and forth about even after we made it because it isn't the farm property/home I had been dreaming about, and we are not a single bit closer to Joe's work. In fact, a few minutes the opposite. 

But I loved the neighborhood event today, and my friend says they have them often. A high school is being built less than a mile from our home, and I am excited that the kids will be able to ride their bikes to and from school and all of their activities. Our home is going to be big and beautiful, and we are going to fill it with beautiful children and beautiful memories.

This feeling I feel? Content. 

number three

If there is one child I have felt consistently sorry for, it is Grant. A while back (maybe before you knew me) I wrote this blog about being/having the third child.

We are all different from each other, of course, and Grant is unique from each of my other children. I wonder how much of that is how my parenting has changed by child 3, and how much of it is simply Grant. For example, he knew his letters later than my other kids (well, except Ammon, of course), but learned how to read more quickly. In first grade, Logan was my perfectionist (he still is), taking hours to finish his homework and erasing every letter that didn't match his expectation. Madison procrastinated everything (and still does). Grant, on the other hand, is extremely proficient with time. His motivation is to HAVE FUN when the work is done. He sloppily races through his homework and reading and chores in order to play outside or to get on the computer. He generally does it all without complaint. 

The first few days of school I noticed that he was making a lot of silly errors on his papers that were sent home. I discovered he simply wasn't reading the directions! He was in too much of a hurry to get done. We have really been working on taking the time to read the directions, and he is doing much better.

On Monday he came home with a 4 page homework packet. I asked him to work on it in the van while we took Logan to tae kwon do. He finished it in 5 minutes. He got one question wrong and left one question incomplete. I wasn't worried about it because I thought we had plenty of time.

This morning I wanted to go over his spelling words with him before his pre-spelling test (see, the other kids we would be going over the words all week, but Grant gets a rush-through on Thursday morning), but I couldn't find his homework packet. I got onto him about being responsible and told him he needed to ask his teacher for a new packet. He complained that he already did his homework and didn't want to do it again. We are working on being more assertive (when I ask him to turn in his fixed papers he says his teacher won't let him talk), so being the interfering mom, I emailed his teacher, explained the situation, and asked her if he could have a new homework packet. She wrote back and said he turned it in on Tuesday. HAH! No wonder we couldn't find it. He got a 100% on his test without going over the words, too. I guess I'm liking this third child less-stress thing. Not only is it easier on me, but Grant actually seems to be excelling with this type of lax-parenting. 

My final thought about Grant for the evening: he is full of surprises. Last week I caught him drinking out of the honey bottle. Drinking honey!! And tonight I found him eating chopped green onions by the handful. When I explained they were for our dinner tonight he asked me if I would save some for him to take for lunch tomorrow.

39 unplanned freezer meals

Someone left the deep freezer door open.

I'm telling myself it doesn't matter who did it because it doesn't change a thing. But it did make me think about how somehow it seems like it might make us (me) feel better to have someone to blame; someone to take the angry feelings out on.

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Instead I took my angry feelings out by cooking the thawed (but still cool) food that was in the freezer.

All the ice cream, frozen veggies, and random odds and foods got thrown into a giant, heavy-duty, black garbage bag.

The turkey was given away (I just couldn't do force myself to make it).

And I cooked up about:

25 pounds of ground beef
4 roasts
lots of chicken
10 pork chops
8 steaks

I also made about 8 batches of jam and pureed fruit for several more future batches (ran out of pectin).

Ok, it doesn't sound like that much when I write it out, but for an unwanted evening (and next day) of cooking, cleaning, and disinfecting--it feels like A LOT.

Logan made everyone PB&J sandwiches for dinner (that they ate upstairs while they watched Gilligan's Island. I think they were scared to come down.) I called my mom and dad about every 30 minutes to ask their opinion about what I should do. (With 5 kids, they've done this a few times themselves.) The entire time I was telling myself that I should be more like Grandma Goss and focus on the good--the opportunity before me.

1. My freezer is clean. Clean I tell you!!
2. My children are A-Mazing. They saw my distress (and were probably a little bit scared), so they cleaned and vacuumed the house. Logan and Grant helped to carry everything into the kitchen, and then Logan cleaned out the fridge so that there was room to stick the food I wasn't cooking at the moment. He also wiped down the freezer--all that melted ice cream and other nasty fluids that had pooled at the bottom.
3. Seriously, if I hadn't gone out there when I did, everything would have been lost.
4. If we had lost every thing, it would have stunk. Big time. But financially, we could have absorbed the loss without needing to really stress about it.
5. I know how to preserve food, and I have the equipment to do so.
6.  I now have 39 cooked, or at least easy-to-make meals, including: lots of cooked ground beef, BBQ pulled pork, sweet and sour pork, teriyaki chicken. Also, many jars of marinated pork loin roasts, beef stew meat, and chicken with broth.

I left a few pounds of beef in fridge for Joe to make some of his delicious hamburger patties. I have some chicken thighs cooking in the crockpot and some dishes piled up in the sink. Other than that, we're just about done. The floors were disinfected last night--thanks to Joe, who was hoping to spend the evening finishing up some of his work but came home to help.

I'm tired.