2 weeks

8 lbs 9 oz--not quite up to his birth weight, but he isn't quite so....bendy....so it's crazy to think that he was bigger than this when he came out of my belly. 

He is pretty consistent about eating every 2-3 hours, then he is awake for about an hour, and then he's back to sleep again! He usually wakes up twice to eat at night, and he has been getting better about going back to sleep--but it's still exhausting. My good husband lets me sleep in while he gets the kids ready for school. He has also been working from home and picking the kids up every day from school, so I am almost always able to take a nap during the day.  Love that man! 

I'm not sure if I am excited about school ending in 2 weeks or overwhelmed at the thought of having FIVE kids home with me all day, every day. Crazy!! 

Those lips! 

one week

Here's to perfection. He is such a sweet baby. I want to stare at him and smell him and hold him and take pictures of him all day long. 

He takes wonderful naps and he sleeps ok during the night (this is not to say that we are used to getting up with a baby, only that he doesn't scream inconsolably all night like one of our other kids did). 

He chews on his fist, takes a pacifier, and eats like a champ (once he latches on--there's definitely a learning curve). He loves to be swaddled tight like a burrito. If he starts crying (and I know he's been fed and changed) we wrap him up tight, give him a pacifier, and he sleeps for....until I wake him up to eat (except at night...he somehow manages to wake himself up every 3 hours at night). 

He doesn't seem to mind the after-school noise level in our home or the kids constantly in his face (it drives me crazy though) or being smooshed together as they try to figure out how to hold a brand new baby. 

He's everyone's favorite, and that's ok. 

I always feel bittersweet when a baby is born. I miss the kicking and stretching life in my belly, but Yay! I have my body back! Oh wait, nothing fits and the hard baby belly has turned to mush. Yay!--I can bend over! But...it was kinda' nice when everyone rushed over to help the pregnant woman. 

Hardest of all is the realization that this time in our life is coming to a close. When Logan was born I wondered why we wouldn't have as many as we could--and he was my crier! Joe says he'll take as many as I'll give him. But the reality is that I feel like I'm at my limit! (Ok, truthfully don't we feel like that at 1, then 2, and so on--and somehow we stretch to become more than we ever thought we could be.) 

There are the regrets. I didn't take enough pictures. I wish I had insisted that they not use pitocin. Things like that. 

But this is our story, and I can't go back, so we'll embrace the story and take more pictures. It's silly to spend my seconds thinking about what I would do differently--and yet, I have some kind of regret for every birth story (and after five you'd think I'd have it figured out). 

Really, though, we are all doing marvelously. After 5 kids, I can truly say that I know a little bit more about newborns, and that makes the transition a million times easier. (Knock on wood.) Also, having older kids who are pretty self-sufficient and also great helpers makes a huge difference. 

Of course, one of our favorite topics of conversation these days is who August looks most like and how he compares to each of the kids at this age. (I'm posting pictures below. Who do you think?) Of course this meant that we needed to pull the baby pictures out. The kids love looking at them and hearing all their baby stories. 

Logan cried a lot and never slept. New mom or cranky baby? 

Madi slept all night from day 1, but getting her to sleep was a nightmare. She also pooped a lot. All over everyone. 

Grant whimpered, and 2 yr old Madi dropped him while trying to console him (I was in the basement switching laundry). 

Ammon was delightful as well. 

August on his first day home. Also, as is customary, August peed on Dad during his (Joe's) first diaper change. The kids just happened to be at the hospital to witness it, and we (minus Joe) laughed and laughed.

Getting ready to leave the hospital. Seriously, he's gorgeous. 

August, today. (Ok, so the month/name thing might get confusing.)

Ammon 

Grant 

Madi (this is like 12 hrs after birth. So. Perfect. Also the only baby picture I have of her on Facebook). 

Logan (his pictures are all old-school pre-digital, pre-Facebook pictures). He was pretty beat up from a traumatic forceps birth. 

Everytime we looked through one child's pictures we'd say August looks just like that child. After making it through all four kids--we have come to the conclusion that they all look very similar. Siblings. Go figure! 

August Benjamin McGregor

part one 

I woke up around 2:00 am Tuesday morning having contractions that were about 7 minutes apart. I watched the clock for about an hour and decided that if I was going to have a baby I better get the laundry done. 

So I got up, did some laundry, tidied up the house, took a shower, and went back to bed. When Joe's alarm went off and I told him my sob contraction story he let me stay in bed while he got the kids up and ready for school. He even made pancakes--which I didn't eat, because I had a dr appt that morning, and he suggested that he, Ammon, and I go out for breakfast. By this time the contractions had slowed down to a few an hour (sad face). So we went out for breakfast and then I went to my appt. while he and Ammon watched a movie in the van. 

I explained my previous night to my OB and told her, "Those contractions better have been working because they ruined my night!" Sure enough, I was dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. Yay! Progress! While she was checking me she said she was going to give me an "aggressive exam." Ok! 

The contractions started up again almost immediately and lasted the entire day. I called Joe around 1:00 pm and told

him I was packing my bag, taking a pregnant "speed" walk with Ammon, and that he should probably come home soon in case things got more intense. 

He picked up the kids and came home, but when it was about 3:30 we decided that it was too late to hope for a baby that day--it would be more convenient to wait until the next morning. Joe told me to take a nap (hoping that would slow down or stop the contractions) so I napped on and off for a few hours while he worked and made dinner (what a good man I have!). 

The contractions were still about 7 minutes apart but they were getting stonger, so I started texting our neighbor to make plans with her in case she needed to stay with the kids in the middle of the night. 

Around 10:30 I decided to take a shower and get ready for bed. My contractions were about 5-6 min by then, and I was pretty sure we were going to need to make a trip to the hospital. 

While showering, my contractions seemed right on top of each other. When I got out to time them they were about 2-3 minutes apart. I threw on some clothes, called my neighbor, and told Joe we better go! 

We arrived at the hospital around midnight, got checked in, and the whole time I was worried that they were going to send me home; my water has broken 3 times and I've never experienced spontaneous labor! By that point I had bloody show, was dilated between a 5-6 and fully effaced, and my contractions were between 4-5 minutes apart. They told me I was staying. Whew! 

Around 3:00 am I was only at a 6 so they told me they were going to start pitocin so that we could speed up the labor. I had previously warned my dr that my body reacted very quickly to pitocin. I explained it again to the nurse and she said that every pregnancy was different and that they'd start me on the slowest amount and check me in a few hours. At this point I was thinking, "Hmm. I don't think it will take that long." I need to be more assertive!! I know my body and my experiences--why don't people believe me?! 

About 15 minutes later the nurse rushed into the room, shut off the pitocin, rolled me onto my side, and put an oxygen mask on me. I was a little alarmed! I have never needed oxygen during labor! She said that my blood pressure was too low (I was feeling light-headed and dizzy) and the baby's heart rate was too low. I explained to her that the epidural wasn't working and she asked me to stop pushing the epidural button because she thought that might be affecting my blood pressure. 

I told her I felt a lot of perennial pressure and right then my water broke. I hate to call Joe out here, but he had been sleeping through all of this, so I called out to him to wake up!!! 

She decided to check me then, and of course I was dilated to a 10 and the baby was crowning. (It took less than 20 minutes of pitocin to take me from a 6 to a 10. People should listen to me!) She tried very hard not to show panic, but she started calling for back up nurses and NICU because there was meconium in my water and they were not ready for the baby. They assured me that although my dr might not make it in time, they had delivered plenty of babies. I was told to not push. 

Thank goodness for that epidural! 

My dr arrived about 10 minutes later and after 4-5 pushes little August was born at 4:01 am. I say little, but as I watched them pull him from my body all I could think was, "How did that fit into my body!!" 

He was 8 lbs 12 oz and 21" of perfection. More hair than Logan and Grant, but less than Madi and Ammon.  His face is round like Madison's was, but he looks like Grant to me. 

His birth was a little traumatic for him--he swallowed A LOT of poop! They spent a good amount of time trying to suction it out so that he could breathe. He descended through my body in about 20 minutes--much faster than he was supposed to! For the last 24 hours they have been monitoring his blood sugar  (he failed only once) and oxygen levels, but he is looking and sounding great now, and we are ready to go home tomorrow! 

To remember to write about:

*hospital stay

*sibling visit

*24 hr old Auggie

*thoughts and feelings

*namesake

thoughts

Every day I wake up and think, "Today could be the day!" And then I go to bed and think, "Welp, I'm still here. Tonight?"

Every time my tummy cramps and tightens I wonder if it's the beginning of the beginning of the end. 

I'm dilated at a 1. (Those cramps aren't doing anything!) I have a long ways to go. My OB assures me that it could happen any time--and that it will most likely happen quickly. 

I'm still here. I'm still crossing things off of my to-do list. I cut all the boys' hair this morning. I zoomed through their thick hair--maybe 5-10 minutes per boy, and you know what? They look pretty good. I guess that's what happens when you have a bunch of boys to practice on.  

I'm caught in the middle between wanting this baby to come--today. But then again, tomorrow would be fine, too. Because even though this big belly is getting in my way and my ankles are swollen and I feel down right miserable sometimes--I know I'm going to miss it. The movement, the belly, the experience. (The sleep, the {relative} quiet, the independence.) Am I crazy? If you ask Joe, he might say yes. I've been able to do this 5 times: what an amazing privilege. 

So I told him he needed to take a ton of pictures over the next few days because I want to have something to remind me of this body and this experience. 

If I wake up tomorrow and I go to bed tomorrow still carrying a basketball in my shirt, I will savor every single second. 

But no matter what, I will hold a baby on Thursday. (Due to size, experience, and--yes--convenience, we have decided that a womb eviction is probably in order.)  And that is both exciting and terrifying. 

8 months today

So close, and yet so far away. Thank goodness for patient kids and an understanding husband. 

Favorite phrases include, "I'm done." "You're too close to me." "Will you pick that up?" "I'm 8 months pregnant." "Will

you rub my (feet, back, neck)?"

If this was Logan I would have a baby this week. 

If this was Madison I would have a baby in one month and one day. 

Hard to plan! I'm hoping for something in the middle. With Ammon I wrote this blogpost about my ideal birth story, and then it happened exactly the way I had hoped the next day. It was amazing. 

The baby bag is packed. 

My bag is not...because I'm not ready to pack my favorite comfy items--like yoga pants. I should at least make a list, right? 

We are touring the hospital tomorrow. 

I have had three natural childbirths and one with an epidural. I am still trying to decide what I want this time around. Much depends on how the labor progresses, but I'm leaning toward an epidural because I want to enjoy the labor and the baby as much as possible. 

And here's my family. This will probably be the last picture of us as a family of six. They are just getting old enough to look at the camera and smile all at the same time. I haven't bought diapers for almost two years. Our lives are about to change, ready or not! 

long time no write

I need to take pics!! 

Pics of my house. Pics of my kids. Pics of my belly. Next time? Maybe? 

We love the house. We love the space, the backyard, the smell, the newness, the opportunity to make it ours. I love that there are cows behind our home and that sometimes I wake up to their "moo's." I feel like I have purpose again, and I'm feeling more like the me I want to be. 

I don't know how long it will last, but the kids have a sense of ownership that motivates them to make their beds each morning and keep their rooms clean. I know it probably won't last forever, but for now I am loving it. 

The house is about 95% unpacked/organized. There are a few rooms that will take a while to be finished (for example, the media room is my last priority but Joe is anxious to get something in there, so hopefully it will usable fairly soon). I will feel like we are completely moved in when we hang pictures up downstairs, but it's surprisingly difficult to put holes in new walls, plus I am waiting on a few pieces of furniture before I commit to those holes. Come visit, though, and I'll give you a tour! 

We had our fourth real ER/urgent care visit over the weekend. I guess that's not too bad considering we've been parents for 31 accumulative years (11+9+7+4). Madison and I went summer clothes shopping on Saturday and we were about 10 minutes away from home when Joe called and told us to meet him at an Urgent Care. Apparently Ammon had jumped on Grant's back, Grant shrugged him off, and Ammon hit his head on his bed's footboard. Logan held his hand over Ammon's bloody noggin and found Joe, who was busy organizing the garage. Joe hates blood, but I hear he handled it all suprisingly well. Long story short, Ammon ended up with 3 staples in his head. 

And now for a baby update. I have been feeling like this baby is going to come soon--of course I could be completely wrong. Sunday night I was having strong enough contractions to wake me up for 2 hours in the middle of the night. They were 7 minutes apart. I woke Joe up and cried to him that we needed the baby to wait a few more weeks. He gave me a blessing and I was able to fall back asleep. I have felt better the last few days, perhaps because I have been trying to rest more and drink more fluids. Next week I will be 36 weeks, which means another ultrasound, a strep b swab, and hopefully more information about how big the baby is and how ready my body is to have a baby. 

I'm feeling.....

Like I need to savor every moment of these last few weeks of pregnancy. 

Good. I think this has been my easiest pregnancy. 

Tired. I feel good, but tired. My body doesn't like to bend over, walk up stairs, wash dishes. My body apparently doesn't like to sleep all night. I need to pee every few hours, my calves and even my thighs cramp up and I end up leaping out of bed to try to walk out the cramps. 

Excited. I pulled out a baby doll for Ammon. We diapered, clothed, and swaddled him (the doll), and I showed Ammon how to hold a baby. Pretty soon there will be a real baby to hold, snuggle, and love! 

What will he look like? Will he have hair like Ammon and Madi? I'm measuring small, and I always do--will he be smaller than the others, or will he continue our trend and weigh more than the others (Ammon was 8 lbs 13 oz)? 

A friend asked me what my least favorite part of pregnancy was. I had to think about it for a minute because even though there are some miserable things about pregnancy, for the most part I think  that growing a human is a pretty amazing thing. But I hate maternity pants. They never fit right and they are not flattering. (Also I dislike being hot at night, but Joe and a friend installed a ceiling fan in our bedroom yesterday, so my quality of life--and hopefully my sleep--will greatly improve!) So as much as I love this pregnant belly and the kicking of life inside of me, I do look forward to getting back into my summer clothes and sleeping better--if only for a few hours in between feeding the baby, that is. 

Things I need to write about: my sister and niece came to visit and we all had a wonderful two weeks with them. I wish they lived closer! We went shopping and talked late into the night; she helped me make freezer meals and sat with my kids while they practiced the piano. Sisters are wonderful! (Poor Madi!) She and a very dear friend threw me a baby shower--yes a baby shower for a fifth baby and the fourth boy! I felt very loved and spoiled, and I'm grateful to be surrounded by so many amazing women! 

So much to prepare for, so much to look forward to, and so much excitement as we continue to organize the new house and welcome a new baby. Life is good. 

New Me

This is it. We are *supposed* to be moving this weekend. They are still asking us for last minute paperwork, so I haven't actually reserved a moving truck because part of me is still holding my breath. Is it really going to happen?!

Last time we moved I wrote this post.

This is our first in-town move, so I can't actually recreate a new me because I will still know the same people, and they will know it's not me.

Besides, my goals haven't changed that much.

I've had plenty of time to think while packing and not-sleeping, so here are some new-old goals I have for after move. (And get unpacked. And have a baby. And summer is over, because that's crazy.... OK, I need to stop waiting and making excuses and live in the now.) 

Invite people over more often. Friends. Family. Throw parties. Let my kids invite friends over more frequently (I'm hoping this will take care of itself in the form of good old-fashioned neighborhood friends). I would like to be more neighborly--which I think might actually be a possibility since we have already met three of our new neighbors.

Spend more time playing and cooking and working as a family. I am thrilled about our open floor plan. OF COURSE it is going to solve all our problems. Everyone will be in the same big room(s) cooking (with our cute aprons on) and playing and working and singing and laughing and doing homework together. Go ahead, laugh at me.

Well, that's about it. I mean, there are a million other things I would love to work on, but that's just a little overwhelming. So--I am going to focus on these two and go from there.

real fast

Our closing date got pushed back by a week mainly because of the Dallas Blizzard. I was pretty bummed until I realized 1. We had another week to get ready to move, 2. It would be a miserable, cold, wet weekend to move, and 3. I didn't want that cold, wet snow/mud tracked all over my brand new home and carpets. What's a week?!

So instead of moving, we went sledding last night. I think it was Ammon's first time, and he loved it. I'm so glad we brought our (one) sled when we moved from Ohio! Also, I love our fun little town! 

This morning we got up early and got to busines. Joe worked some more in the garage. I successfully sold Madison's bed and our patio set, and we took apart all the kids' beds (and cleaned up the random things hidden underneath them). Sweet Joe scrubbed the kids' shower and we put the landlord's shower curtain back up. 

The bulk trash people were supposed to come on Thursday but didn't make it because of the weather, so we were waiting to take our bulk items out because we didn't want them be buried in the snow. I was cleaning up when I heard the truck outside and I started yelling for Joe to hurry!! He ran out and asked if they would wait for us to bring out our bulky items. It was such a lucky little blessing to get those things cleared out today, because otherwise we would've had to wait two more weeks!

We were organized into a new ward last week, but I haven't given back my church building keys (I promise I will!). So as a reward for our hard work, we all went to the church to play basketball. Ammon got to ride his scooter in a million court-sized circles and Madi enjoyed practicing with her ripstick on the smooth floor. Logan almost legitimately beat Joe in HORSE and Grant spent the last 20 minutes we were there crying because he couldn't make a basket. 

We decided to go out for tacos and Joe ordered us an array of yummy food, including sopapillas. Grant cried because Logan got the last sopapilla, and Logan surprised us all by walking over and giving it to him. It was extra sweet because they have been fighting with each other ALL day/week, so we were kind of shocked. Grant accepted the gift, ate it, and then walked over to Logan, gave him a big hug, and said, "Thank you, Logan. You are the best brother." Those few seconds changed the whole mood of the family. 

Little by little we are getting the moving work done, and little by little I am catching tiny glimpses of hope that my kids really do care about each other. 

Fingers are crossed that this week will run smoothly, that the work will get done, and that we will have the strength and energy to get it done. That the house will close on time and that the weather will cooperate. That it will really happen and that we can finally move in and move on. To moving. Cheers! 

never gonna end

Today I gave myself a pity party. I thought of all the reasons my life is hard right now and I cried and felt sorry for myself. I mixed it up with a little bit of work... scrubbing the shower and bathtub. Laundry. Packing a box or three. I took a shower in my clean shower and then I crawled under my covers and cried some more. I tried to take a nap, but all I could think about was everything that needed to be done.

Joe called me on his way home from work and I started crying some more. He asked me what was wrong and I told him, "The more I do to try and prepare to move the more I realize there's more to do, and it's never going to end." After almost 14 years of marriage, that man walked in the door and did the only thing he could do: envelope me in a big, protective hug. (He also brought me chocolate and made wonderful promises about being around more to help me. I'm in love.) 

I've had all day to throw this pity party; I've mixed it up with a little bit of thinking, and the funny thing is that the things that are hard right now are also the things that I am most grateful for in my life. Isn't that ironic? 

Kids. I love my kids. Kids are a lot of work.

29 Weeks Pregnant (with kid #5!). I'm feeling it. My body is tired and uncomfortable and all I really want to do is rest, but I can't. I have kids and I have to get ready to move. I enjoy being pregnant, I really do. But I'm getting to the point where I don't feel very pretty. My clothes don't fit the way I would like, my face is looking worn, tired, dry, and it's already getting a little bit swollen. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I'm not sleeping well. There's the bathroom thing. And the baby moving a lot and waking me up all night thing. And Ammon coming into my room at 1:30 am to tell me he has to go potty. And me not being able to go back to sleep, partly because all I can do is think about everything I need to do.  Anyway. Growing a human is a lot of work.

Moving. I have been waiting for this day/week/month since the first week of April 2014. That's a lie. I have been waiting for this day since we left Cleveland, and I've been preparing for it since April. My house is complete chaos and a total disaster and I really don't know how it's all going to happen. Moving is a lot of work.

Business is good. Every day I ask Joe how his day went, and every day he tells me that he is swamped. And I think: What an incredible blessing to have work. To have income. To be able to provide for a family and to pay for a new baby and to buy a new house. But when Joe's load gets heavy away from home, my load gets heavier at home as well, and the load feels especially heavy at 29 weeks while trying to move. Being busy is a lot of work. 

So there's my pity party. It has to end today because I simply and complicatedly have too much to do to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I know there are worse things in life. I know that soon we will be unpacked and enjoying our new home. I know that this baby will come and we will somehow find the time to prepare for his arrival before then. Everything is going to be OK. But today, right now, this feels hard--and that's ok, too. 

Yes, that is my dirty, dirty bathroom mirror. It's on my to-do list. 

27 weeks 3 days

I think this is my first selfie; it's blurry and I feel silly. But--I haven't done a picture for several weeks and I want to remember what I looked like when I was pregnant. 

First: a story. The kids have been jiggling my belly and talking and singing to the baby. It's been fun to be able to talk to them each week about how the baby is growing and the neat tricks he can do (he can blink in there!). They've also been asking a lot of questions about how the baby is going to get out. We are pretty open with them. They've already started to pray for a comfortable and safe delivery.

Two days ago Ammon was saying his personal prayers and he started out saying, "Please let the baby pop out of mom soon." There were a few more pop requests, and then suddenly it turned to, "Please help mom to not hurt when she poops out the baby." I was trying so hard not to laugh! But for a 3 year old, that is not a bad understanding! I am basically going to poop out a nine pound baby. No wonder it's uncomfortable. 

Also, apparently my kids haven't told their teachers that they are going to have a new baby, and the teachers are starting to stare at my belly....I can tell they want to ask me if it is what they think it is when I go in each week to eat lunch with the kids. Yesterday one of Logan's teachers came up to me as we were leaving. She talked to Ammon for a few minutes, gave him a high-five, then said, "So do you just have 3 kids?" (Referring to Madi, Logan, and Ammon.) I told her that Grant was in first grade, and I could see her glance at my belly, so I said circled it and said, "And this little boy makes five!" Wow five! I know! I don't mind the surprise and comments, though. I just say, "Yep! We love them all! The more the merrier!"

I'm feeling pretty good. It is starting to get harder to bend over and to get up and down from the floor. When I walk too quickly or for too long (my exercise of choice) I get cramps on my right side underbelly. 

August (is that really going to be his name?!) is filling out my body and I can feel limbs scraping against my sides. I rub my belly and poke him back. (This is probably my favorite thing about being pregnant.) I wonder what he thinks as he hears the chaos of his brothers and sister...and mom and dad trying to talk over them. What a crazy, loud family he is coming to, full of people who will love and spoil him! 

We have a tentative moving date--hooray! I am looking forward to being able to prepare for this little guy's arrival. 

responsible

We are so responsible that we have a fire extinguisher hanging up in our pantry. 

And then about 2 years ago, right when I decided the kids were old enough to make their own lunches, we became less responsible by hanging the bag of lunch chips on the fire extinguisher. 

Perhaps it's pure luck that it has worked out for us....until today. Despite the fact that I've been up since 5 am (also I'm growing a human), I forced myself to do something today and decided to start with discarding the TWO empty chip bags hanging on the fire extinguisher. I knocked it down. It went off. 

White powder everywhere. 

The canister still feels pretty heavy, so I think it sprayed only a small amount, but it made a huge mess. Also, it continued to leak when placed upright. So...I wadded up a piece of paper towel and stuck it up the hose. 

Not so responsible anymore, are we?

The good news is that as a result my pantry is cleaner, and the entire kitchen has been wiped down, swept, and mopped. 

Also. I have two HUGE goals I'm working towards, but I'm really struggling because I'm stuck! I can't do a lot to meet these goals right now, and so while my mind is completely occupied and obsessed with knowing what needs to happen, I am left feeling blah in the suspense of anxiously waiting for the day I can actually start working towards those two things: moving and preparing for a baby. 

I am really, really hoping/wanting/praying that we can move this month--the earlier the better. I have packed almost everything I can that we don't use regularly. I have organized closets and desks and drawers and taken bags and bags to thrift stores and every Tuesday Trash Day my garbage can is overflowing. I've studied and asked around and planned the best way to move things: closets and kitchen and bathrooms first, then all the big stuff. I need to hire a piano mover and someone to clean the rental once we are out. The only thing I haven't touched is the garage, and I'm heavily hinting to DH that he might want to do that soon....

Then when we move I can find a crib and a car seat and focus on getting ready for baby #5. May is coming up fast. 

So that's where I'm at right now. Anxiety attack! 

not my favorite night

I am startled out of sleep at approximately 1:30 a.m. There is a momentary confusion--is someone seriously knocking on my door in the middle of the night? Like--pounding hard knocking. I get out of bed and put on some more appropriate clothing. I peek down through the blinds. There are two men standing on my front porch (really more like the tiny slab of cement in front of the door). They are standing in the rain, wearing dark clothing, and I'm pretty sure their heads are covered by hoodies. What. The heck. After a few moments I watch them walk down my driveway and turn right. They change their minds after a few steps and turn to start walking in another direction, another house. I'm not sure what to do, so I walk downstairs.

Joe is in Colorado. I don't know why, but I call him. "There are two guys wearing hoodies knocking at the front door." He tells me to hang up and call the police. I feel stupid. Is there really a threat?

I call 911.

She asks me for the address of the emergency. I think that's exactly what she said. I hesitate, because I don't even know if it's an emergency, but I go ahead and tell her my address. Then I say, "I don't even know if it's an emergency, but I'm home alone with four kids and two men in dark clothing are knocking on my door. I think they walked away, but only to knock on other doors."

She tells me that there is an alarm going off in my neighborhood and that two officers are trying to find the house.

I'm almost delirious, my heart is still pounding, and I'm MAD. They woke me up at 1:30 in the morning  because they can't figure out what house is beeping? "I don't see a police car. Definitely no flashing lights," I tell her. "It's the middle of the night. They don't want to wake the whole neighborhood up," she says. Thanks a lot.

Joe calls me; I explain the situation.

I try, unsuccessfully, to go back to sleep.

I am tired today. These days I get tired pretty easily, but this is a weary, exhausted, didn't-have-to-happen tired. I keep replaying the whole thing in my mind. Who knocks like that at 1:30 in the morning? Who would open their door to strangers in dark clothing? What if I had opened the door while holding a weapon? Would I have been shot?

I'm thankful that Ammon is easy-going. We ate an early lunch and I was able to take a two hour nap. We are all safe, and that is what matters, but I can't help but wonder: isn't there a better way?