thoughts

Every day I wake up and think, "Today could be the day!" And then I go to bed and think, "Welp, I'm still here. Tonight?"

Every time my tummy cramps and tightens I wonder if it's the beginning of the beginning of the end. 

I'm dilated at a 1. (Those cramps aren't doing anything!) I have a long ways to go. My OB assures me that it could happen any time--and that it will most likely happen quickly. 

I'm still here. I'm still crossing things off of my to-do list. I cut all the boys' hair this morning. I zoomed through their thick hair--maybe 5-10 minutes per boy, and you know what? They look pretty good. I guess that's what happens when you have a bunch of boys to practice on.  

I'm caught in the middle between wanting this baby to come--today. But then again, tomorrow would be fine, too. Because even though this big belly is getting in my way and my ankles are swollen and I feel down right miserable sometimes--I know I'm going to miss it. The movement, the belly, the experience. (The sleep, the {relative} quiet, the independence.) Am I crazy? If you ask Joe, he might say yes. I've been able to do this 5 times: what an amazing privilege. 

So I told him he needed to take a ton of pictures over the next few days because I want to have something to remind me of this body and this experience. 

If I wake up tomorrow and I go to bed tomorrow still carrying a basketball in my shirt, I will savor every single second. 

But no matter what, I will hold a baby on Thursday. (Due to size, experience, and--yes--convenience, we have decided that a womb eviction is probably in order.)  And that is both exciting and terrifying.