Waiting for Tomorrow

Got the kids in bed at 7:49 tonight. Clothes are picked out, lunches packed. Backpacks are ready. I am ready. For the kids to go to school, that is.

Part of me is wondering where in the world the summer went. But a huge part of me is waiting for the exhale of relief when Logan and Madison walk out the door tomorrow. Is that horrible?

It really is.

Last year I was so excited for summer, and I really tried to make it a ton of fun. This summer seemed very stressful with a new baby and the unexpected packing and moving and unpacking. We still did fun things. We went to PA for 3 weeks. We went camping, the kids took swimming lessons, we played games and watched movies. But I felt like I was constantly holding my breath, trying not to get upset at the messy house, or the noise, or the fighting, or my tiredness. Sometimes I give myself the excuse that things are busy/different than usual, so it's ok. But in reality, I have today, and today is more important than any tomorrow, so I need to be the best mother (and wife) that I can be today and stop making excuses.

To be honest, Madison and Logan are REALLY GOOD kids. They are not the reason I have been so uptight this summer. The added stress has made me. . . stressed. We are almost completely unpacked, so that should help. Ammon, almost 5 months, likes attention. And he cries--like every other baby. Grant, who was used to spending quality time with mom everyday, has gotten a little out of control this summer. I am hoping that getting back to our regular schedule will help him to find better ways to communicate (think high-pitched screams, climbing out of grocery carts and running down the aisles, and getting out of bed 20 times each night). Maybe he'll start taking a nap again. Super Nanny, anyone?!

I grew up in a family of 7. We had one--you read that right--ONE bathroom. A tiny one. Anyway, my mom had a poem that hung up in the bathroom that read,

"There will be years

For cooking and cleaning,

For children grow up

While we're not looking."

I am trying to remember that, because I know it is true!! Also, my parents just dropped off my youngest brother at BYU this week, so for the first time in 30 years they are all alone. I feel sad for them! I hope they enjoy it, and I think they will. At the same time, I know that I need to enjoy and love every minute with these kids. And I do! But I think I might enjoy/love every minute more when they spend a few of those minutes at school.

I have an inner battle going on. Guilt. :)

Anyway, I am starting to really like the new area we are living in. Our new ward is really nice. . . in some ways it feels like I have been here for a while (mostly because I have already made friends), although in reality it has only been a little over a month. I have a new calling--Mia Maid counselor in the Young Women's Program. I was the Beehive counselor before, so I guess that helps me to feel like some things haven't changed. I really love working with the Young Women. Even though I am THIRTY I still feel like I have a lot in common with them and can relate to what they are feeling. I hope that we will become friends and that I can help them to grow in the gospel. It is a lot of work to come up with new activities every week. . . so in some ways I miss the old days when I just had to play the piano on Sundays. But I also really enjoy the opportunity to get away from home once a week and to do something different. Maybe my brain will rot at a slower level. ;)

Today at the dinner table Madison was talking about how excited she was for school. Then she said something like, "But if it isn't as good as I think it will be then I'm going to have a bad year." We had a good talk about how things are rarely as good as you want them to be. . . but we have a choice to complain or to be grateful. And then I asked her which one would make her happier. I needed that lesson, too. I guess you could say I complain a lot. But really I have a lot to be grateful for. And I have a choice to be happy or to complain. So Madison and I are working on complaining less and choosing to be happy more.

So anyway, there's my rant. The kids are growing up too fast. School is starting tomorrow. I have unrealistic dreams of how everything is going to be perfect starting tomorrow. Laugh with me. I'll post first day of school pictures. . . tomorrow? We'll see!