SO... Here's the Question:
Have you ever not gone to a sibling's wedding? Was anyone upset? Did they get over it? Did you get over it? Is it really that big of a deal?
We need some advice!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Question of the Day
My brother and sister announced last week that they are getting married. (Not to each other!) My sister has planned her wedding right before Christmas, and my brother is planning his wedding right after the New Year. In different states. No one in my family lives in either of the states. The holidays will be right in the middle. We're kind of not in the best financial spot right now. Maybe we could make it to one wedding... but definitely not both. And we can't choose sides--we'd start a family feud (they are already upset about each others' wedding dates).
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11 comments:
Shane and i got married in november and his sister got married a few weeks after we did! But we both were in the idaho, utah area. :)
I think it depends on the situation. You know your siblings so you just have to decide who cares MORE that you are there? Now, if i had to miss my brother's wedding i don't think it would matter AS much to him as it would my sister! no way would i be able to miss my sister getting married! She would kill me! And it would kill me to miss it! So, in that situation if i had to choose i would choose to be at my sister's wedding. :) Sooooo... do you think it matters MORE to one that you are there than to the other? I mean, i know it matters to both, BUT you just have to figure out who would be HURT that you weren't there? Sorry, i am sure you already thought about that and i am not much help! sHANE'S little sis is getting married in oct. He bought his ticket and was going to go by himself. I wanted to go sooooo bad and hated that i had to miss out. Then our good friends said that they would watch our kids so that i could go too. Maybe someone can watch your kids so that you can go to both?
Last year my sister and brother both got married in April, about two weeks apart. We flew out for both weddings (and were living in Ohio at the time), one in Idaho and the other in Montana. My parents paid for all of the travel expenses their children needed help with, though, because they had had a good farming year. And one of Jonathan's friends let us use his frequent flier (flyer?) miles for one of the trips. Jonathan was just barely able to get the time off work. BTW, it was SO WONDERFUL to see my family so much that spring.
It's so hard to have to miss weddings. I don't think I cared much before I got married, but I realized at my wedding how much I wanted each of my siblings there, and since then I've decided to make sibling weddings a priority. I think it's worth missing class or work or ticking people off. However, not having the money to go is different. Can anyone help pay for at least you to go? I like Ashlee's hope that someone could watch your kids. (I like your kids.) Good luck figuring this out!
I wouldn't go to either wedding. John and I were in your exact same situation in 2007 and I know what it is like to be tight. Sometimes you just have to put your immediate family first. Yes, it does sound selfish, but sometimes you have to be selfish.
Just call both siblings ahead of time, explain your situation and send them a send them a really nice letter and a small meaningful but inexpensive gift.
I almost think if you go to one and not the other, you might hurt more feelings.
Good luck, that is a hard one
No, but I got married when my sister was on her mission and everyone gave me a very hard time about getting married when she couldn't come. The whole day all I heard about was how heartless I was for getting married with out her there. It was a great day! Maybe you could go by yourself to the weddings? Is that at all a possibities with Joe's job and the kids?
My cousin and I got engaged and wanted to both get married at Christmas time. She was determined to get married in Utah. So I decided that rather cause a problem I'd get married the day after in Utah too. That way none of the family had to chose which wedding to go to. And because it was out of state for most of them, if they couldn't come I couldn't get mad at them.
By the way, my cousin (who I grow up to next door, graduated with, etc.) didn't come to my wedding and I still talk to her.
Still, it's different since we weren't siblings. Maybe your sibling can work out a way to have the weddings closer to each other in date and place. Afterall, they must understand that you have to buy 4 tickets to fly anywhere. Anyways, good luck. I'm so glad all my family is married.
So, here's the story: we are really trying to talk both of them into having closer wedding dates (one in UT and the other in CA). I understand their sig. others wanting to have the wedding closer to family--but have them close to the same time so we can combine trips, right? My sister is totally fine with that. My brother's fiancée (or so he says) feels like my sister is stealing the show. So they are trying to space theirs out as much as possible so that they can do their own thing. Yeah, I don't get it. I really want to go, but we can't afford to space the trip out over 2 weeks, or for me to fly twice, and I could just fly out and then drive to CA with my parents, but I refuse to miss Christmas with my husband and kids. So I'm thinking that unless they can find a way to work this out, we won't go to either wedding. *sigh* We'll see, I guess.
Carrie--Joe says he agrees with you!
If you decide to come out to Utah you are more then welcome to take over our place. We are planning on going out to California for Christmas therefore our place is open. A free place to stay might help with things if you do come out here.
Good luck with this one! If you do come out here, maybe we can get the kids together for a day.
The Larsen family
Bridi, that's horrible. -Joe
been there. totally. because it was jake's side of the family, he is the only one that went...I still wish I could have been there especially when they talk about how the ceremony was, but I was glad that at least my husband got to go and see his brother get married. I think it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, so if nothing else, the sibling goes. Jake only attended the wedding, not the reception-that's all we could afford with work, school, and finances.
We considered not attending at all, but we would have been thrown out of the family!!
good luck choosing. I totally understand your predicament and I hope you get to do what is best for your family.
Either just Jen goes to both weddings, or nobody goes to either wedding. When you are financially tight, it is actually more selfish of them to expect you to come anyway, than for you to not go because of the finances. If they want you there that bad, they can help foot the bill.
I (Dane) have only been to 1 of my siblings weddings, and I have 4 brothers and 1 sister.
Even my parents haven't been at everyone's weddings. One of my brothers got married in the Philippines and neither of my parents went. Another brother got married in Hawaii at a time when my folks were financially strapped and only my Mom went.
I think it is ridiculous for anyone to expect you to go further into debt just because they are a friend or family. If you can't afford for Jen to go alone, then send them a card and lots of love.
oooohh...that's hard. one of dave's brothers got married a couple weeks after he went into the mtc, and the other got married a month before he got home from his mission. I would've been mad, but he didn't mind. so I guess it's like ashlee said, who cares more?
GOOD LUCK!
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