Around Mother's Day a friend put out the challenge to blog about the joy of motherhood. I told her I would take the challenge, but when I started thinking about it, I didn't know how to put my feelings into words. 2 months later....
Being a mother has given me someone(s) to love and someone(s) to love me back. Motherhood has made me learn how to be less selfish and more selfless. Instead of buying myself clothes, getting my nails done, or reapplying makeup throughout the day--I spend my time and money on these precious people around me. There are times when I miss the time and money (and more complimentary pictures), but honestly--I think I have more confidence in myself when I feel that I can be beautiful and "cool" without trying so hard. I have truly found joy and purpose in life through caring for my children and watching them learn and grow.
I have this theory that a parent can never give his or her child too much love, time, and praise. (I do believe a child can have too many toys.) The world will soon tell my children they are not smart enough, beautiful enough, and all around good enough. So now--while I have some sway--I am doing all I can to help them know that they are beautiful, intelligent, and good. (This doesn't mean I don't lose my temper. I do.) So for now, Piaget's Egocentrism is ok--our world revolves around these little people.
Finally, I'm finding that these years go by very quickly. Since they are the only years we have, I hope that when my children look back to their childhoods, they have warm-fuzzies of dancing in the kitchen, mom wearing an apron and making yummy food (and kids begging for cheese and vegetables), library visits, picnics at the playground, Saturday workdays, and family outings--to name a few. I admit, the hope of these fond memories is what spurs me to action and enables me to spend precious time and money on things that are lasting though intangible (oh to have furniture!). They will be my memories, too, and ones I won't regret.
People have commented that they have noticed that I seem to love being a mother. I do. I really, really do. It's not always easy--in fact, here's a story....
One day Joe came home and told me about someone (?) who had a cook who came in and cooked 2 or 3 meals a day for this family. Then Joe said something like, "Can you imagine that being your full-time job? To just go somewhere and cook and clean for someone else and then to go home for the day? Wouldn't you just feel like a servant?" I gave him the LOOK. "Oh," says he, "I guess that is kind of what you do." "Yes," I say, "only I don't get to go 'home.' And I don't get paid. And it's a bit more than cooking."
I haven't always found joy in being a mother--I mean, I've always loved my kids--so I guess I mean I haven't always found motherhood fulfilling or rewarding. But it is rewarding to see children progress. Life is a little less demanding when kids can go to the bathroom, get dressed, and tell you why they are sad. And I think I've changed. I have had to set goals and I have had to make an effort to be a happier, more optimistic person. I have learned to love to serve. I have learned to find joy in little things. I am still trying to live in the moment, be more spontaneous, and to find joy in this journey.
Joe and I celebrate our 9th anniversary next week. We went to the temple last night to do sealings--we joked that we were renewing our vows. It was comforting to hear those words and to know that we belong to each other for eternities.
Oh, and if you got this far and want to know how we are doing: we are doing fine. Things are looking up every month. I still feel nervous, but I am grateful that Joe is willing to work so hard to make our dreams come true. That sounds cheesy, I know, but seriously--if this works out (and it will)--we will be living the dream. We already do, in most aspects, but you know--money makes life lots easier. Madison and Logan are excited for school. Grant and I will have to figure out what to do... I'm thinking lots and lots of fun!! How easy will it be to go shopping with only 1 kid! And hey--we can afford to go out for lunch once in a while if there's just one kid! And maybe now I will be able to sit down one-on-one and teach Grant his ABC's--sibling-distraction-free! Do you see all of these-!!!!! I will miss Logan and Madison, though--I can't believe they are going to be away from me all day. :( That is why I am being such a cool fun mom this summer--school is cool, but mom RULES!
Until next time....
