Dad Life

May the Force be with You

Our kids are participating in a summer reading program from Half Priced Books where the store gives them a $3 gift certificate for reading during the week. Week 1 was a success, and with his $3, Logan bought a Star Wars book. Logan is such a fantastic reader that he completed the book that same day.

Later, we were all at the table. Logan says to Jenny, "Mom, I think you probably have the 'Force.'" (The Force is the power in the universe that the Jedi nights in Star Wars use.)

Jenny: "Really? Why do you think I have the Force?"

Logan: "Because you force daddy to do a lot of things."

A Surprise Visit from the Tooth Fairy

As many of you know, Jenny struggles with her temper.

Shortly after Logan was born, Jenny started growing a fungus behind her ear. The doctor prescribed some antibiotics, but Jenny misread the label ("take one pill a day for 14 days" for "take 14 pills in one day"). It disrupted a small node in the brain, and ever since then Jenny spins wildly out of control at the slightest provocation.

Whenever Jenny "flips," we have to pin her down and inject her with a tranquilizer strong enough to doze a horse. But despite her frail frame, she's actually quite tough to bring down (primarily because she only eats beef and cauliflower).

Last week, Jenny asked me if I liked her haircut . . . again.

"I think it looks great. It's growing back really fast."

"WHAT?!" She demanded, as she plowed her plate across the table and against the wall. "YOU DON'T LIKE MY HAIR JUST THE WAY IT IS???"

Logan knew the drill. He quickly ran to the electronic safe where we keep mommy's "sleeping juice."

I tried to put my arm around Jenny, but she intercepted me with a sharp thrust from her bony elbow. She started cursing . . . in Latin. I maneuvered behind her and placed her in the hold the nurses taught me.

Logan reappeared with the saving syringe. He approached Jenny, trying to insert the "needle of peace"--as it's called in our house--into the only meat Jenny has on her body: her thigh.

But just as Logan bent down to inject, Jenny kicked her feet out wildly. Jenny's right pinkie toe caught Logan just right in the mouth.

This was the result:

So there you go. Now everyone knows how Logan lost his first tooth. He was an excellent sport. He wanted to cry, but didn't.

We placed a modest sum under his pillow that night, and his first act was to wake his parents up the next morning and report his increase.

His second act was to record his income in his savings account ledger.